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Ask Deb Anything- Your Questions Answered

I’ve been asked 1000’s of questions.  Not one is weird, strange or insignificant.  They all have meaning and I know there is desire to understand the unknown.  Humans are seekers and especially after a significant loss we have so many unanswered questions.  

I’m honored to provide my perspective and experiences from my journey so far.  It doesn’t mean it’s the only truth or the only answer.  I love providing my insight to anyone who is curious.

First question that is always asked.  “Are they okay?”

My answer is 100% YES.  I joke that there is no taxes or dieting, so it must be heaven but with humor aside, our loved ones do not take with them the pain and struggles they endured while experiencing life on earth.

Know that we are all living our human experience here and when we cross over we are not the same. We gain a new understanding. Their personalities will come through as you remember them, however if they were cruel or not a good person, that will have changed.  They may perhaps, apologize for their behavior. They don’t carry the anger and sadness that they experienced here on earth, but they remember and will talk to you about this experience.

I have said over the years, being a messenger is an honor and while my clients are grieving it would be difficult if those in the afterlife were grieving as well.  For me, it would take a lot of energy to manage.  Your loved ones whether you had a positive or negative relationship will provide insight into your relationship, but they do not carry the hardships they had before crossing over.

Many times, I find they are having a party with other loved ones whom they have met, including beloved pets and ancestors.  We are the ones missing them but they are still with us and are finding new experiences on the other side.

Are they with me all the time?

Well, I hope not!  Like those experiencing life on earth, we are not with our loved ones or our community 24/7.  That would actually make us a little nuts.  We need to have our alone time.  

Since we miss them, we have a desire to know they are around us.  Know that they certainly are with you and see what you are going through.  When I’m doing a session and the loved one talks about odd things such as plumbing issues, career changes and family concerns it’s because they are seeing what is going on in your life and they want you to know they support you.

They enjoy sharing about trips you have taken or are about to take, new babies and accomplishments.  Many times, they will discuss health concerns or someone in the family that has been difficult.

These explanations are evidence that they know and see what is happening in your family.  They are aware of your life, the ups and downs that we each live through.  Many times, they will visit me before your session.  They love making themselves known especially if they had a lot of personality.  

How do I know they are visiting me?

They visit you and show you signs. What stops this connection is our busy lives and our grief.   If we slow down and just be quiet and still we will notice them. This is what I desire for each of my clients who would like to connect with their loved ones.  The experiences are gentle most of the time.  Giving small indications that they are around.  It’s normally not a big “ahha” that must be my mom.  It’s more of a quiet awareness that is felt or heard. This is why so many that do feel their loved ones, feel as if they are making it up or just wanting it to be real.  I would suggest that most of the time when you are feeling your imagination at work, it’s truly is your loved one.

How I Connect with Your Loved One

When I connect with your loved one I must trust what I am receiving and I am 100% in the moment.  It comes from my right brain or creative side, I lose all analytical insight.  I take all of this information they share with me and interpret what spirit is saying to me.  It takes a lot of energy for your loved one to connect with the earthly realm, so I as a medium raise my energy to make the connection easier for them and I.

I am an empath and have the ability to use all 6 of my senses or all my Clairs. They “tap in” to all of my senses. I hear, see, smell, taste, feel and see a bit of a movie in my third eye to translate a message.  Over the years, I’ve built my own vocabulary that they use to show me things about them.  For example, if I see a newspaper unfolded it means to me this person was well read and they wanted to know what was going on in the world. A railroad or train either means they lived on a train or their name is Robert, Bob or James.

Sometimes, I will feel the pain of how they passed worthier illiness. Many times, I will cough if they passed from lung disease, hanging or a drowning.  Not always fun, but it’s their way of letting me know what happened to them. Taste is always interesting.  If they drank scotch, vodka or beer they may make me taste these things.  They may show me what their favorite food was or what they ate before they passed can be presented as well. If you snuck them pie or chocolate as a treat while they were ill, I get to taste it too.

This does become a little exhausting for me, and to manage this I have learned to turn it off when I’m not being a messenger.  I need earth time to feel grounded and be in my human suit.

Some of the Things They Can Do

These are just some of the ways a loved one can show they are with you.  They love messing with our electrical items, such as phones, computers and light bulbs.  Several times they have turned on my TV around 2 am to say, I’m here. 

These are just a few questions you may have and if you want to hear more you can connect with my latest podcast on Spirited Straight Talk where I talk about these things and more of your most wanted answers.


Deb Sheppard

Clearing Energy You Don’t Want! (and some ghosts too)

Imagine this, you are sitting on your couch and a wine bottle shoots across the room and lands on a travertine floor without breaking. Or, a door slams and you are the only one in the house. Maybe a cabinet full of vases all fly out and drop to the ground. Could be a bit scary right? This is my house on the regular!

Just for fun!

Just for fun and because I like to talk about every topic, I welcomed Extreme Vision Paranormal to Spirited Straight Talk. The unknown can be scary. In my world, the unknown is where I work. To me, it is not scary, it is just energy. Energy can be be present in many different forms, but it can not be destroyed. The energy every living thing has can leave imprints on this world when the physicality of life is no more. Sometimes this energy can manifest itself into the physical world and can create uncertainty or fear for those who are experiencing strange happenings.

What Is This Energy?

I recently had my friends from Extreme Vision Paranormal, a group of ghost hunters based out of Illinois, on my podcast to talk about energy and their experiences with the paranormal investigations they have done. This group is unique because they go into an investigation with the mindset that they will explain the occurrence as being of this world versus of the paranormal world.

They go through a very scientific process using specialized equipment to “capture” a voice or an image. Much like I myself am a radar for spirits, their equipment used is a tangible radar that can help to validate the paranormal. EMF recorders, cameras, digital and voice recorders, cctv camera systems, and even dousing rods are tools they have in their arsenal that can all scientifically measure energy.

Am I Going Crazy?

The folks at Extreme Vision Paranormal have some great thoughts on energy and specifically residual energy or hauntings. Many people who seek out the help of paranormal hunters just want the proof that what they are experiencing is valid. They want to know they are not going crazy!

It takes a ton of energy for spirits to vocalize or communicate with us. When Extreme Vision does an investigation, they will first go into a room to establish a baseline EMF recording.  Investigations are done at night to cut down on human activity and noise. They use various recorders. Spirits love any kind of electrical equipment because it is easier for them communicate through those devices in order to be heard. It takes a great deal of energy from spirits, they have to lower their energy levels and electrical equipment allows them to express themselves in an easier way.

Where is this coming from?

When we have energy in our home that is unwanted, how do we get rid of it? Clearing energy is simple when it’s done with intention. Examine the reason you feel that clearing the energy is something that is needed. Then, what do you hope to gain from the cleansing? Set the  intention for the new energy coming in. Are you wanting the energy to move on, or do you want to clear the space of negative energy? Do you want to pave the way for more positive feeling in your space, or is there a specific intention? Be clear very clear about your intention.

A Few Things You Can Try

  1. SMUDGING– Using Sage, or Palo Santo to cleanse your space. Walk through your space with intention with your favorite. Make sure your windows and doors are open to allow the energy to leave the home. Waft the smoke into each room making sure you get all the corners, ceilings and any small space. Negativity tends to collect in corners just like dust. Touch windows, hallways, and closets with the healing smoke.
  2. SALT– Use salt around the perimeter of your space. This is setting the intention so that boundaries are clear. This allows unnecessary spirits to avoid your space because you are letting them know your boundaries.
  3. CRYSTALS-You can also strategically place crystals throughout the space so the power of the crystal can cleanse. I chose Selenite, Rose Quartz and Amethyst for the kit I recommend. All for peace, calm and positivity.
  4. CLEAR OUT THE CLUTTER– Clutter can create physical and spiritual obstacles in life. Clutter can sometimes translate as symbols of negativity within your life. Clearing it out helps formulate a clear intention of healing and positivity.
  5. CLEANSING CEREMONY– Ask the negative energy to leave. You can use any type of tool to help to create that ceremony whether it be drums, chimes, bells, or even holy water splashed in corners of your space.

BONUS-Bring in the good energy- Finally, bring in the positive energy with things like music, fresh plants or flowers, even candles. Open up the blinds and let the sun in or some fresh air in. Have a celebration, whatever that looks like for you. Cook your favorite meal and celebrate great, positive energy!

When you listen to this weeks podcast episode titled Ghosts, The Paranormal and Clearing Energy You Don’t Want you will hear a few spooky things captured and the paranormal can be understandably frightening.

I just have to say, I hear your loved ones voices all the time and I always find it comforting versus scary.

I also have put together a Home Cleansing Kit if you need a bit of help cleansing the energy in your space. It may help you hear from your loved ones a bit easier as well.

Namasté and Love,


7 Things To Help Manage Your Grief

Grief takes so many different forms.  It can be the loss of a loved one in the past or losing someone right now.  It is not always this loss of a loved one. Grief is also any change that we experience throughout our lives.  With our current world situation, we are ALL dealing with some sort of loss.  Since we are facing a changing future, stress and fear can be at the forefront of our daily lives and this can create grief and sadness that may be difficult to manage.  Especially, if we are alone or feeling the pressures of taking care of others. 

During this pandemic so many of us are at a time where we are unable to say goodbye to our loved ones.  The medical community is trying to find ways to help such as facetime but for many this isn’t enough.  We want to comfort our loved one and are unable to which is somewhat unprecedented.  The first question you may have is “Are they ok that I wasn’t able to be with them during their transition?”   The answer is always yes.  We believe we need to be with them to comfort them during such a difficult time.  They are ok, they know you love them, and this is an unusual time. 

If you have recently lost someone and want to communicate your feelings write to them, share all the good times and what you will miss. Keep good memories of them in your thoughts to have them in your heart.  Share stories about your loved ones with friends and allow them to share about theirs.  Look at photos and videos and recall some of your favorite times.  If you have traditions or rituals that you have passed down from generations to generations, remember these things and bring them out.  Be creative if you are unable to provide the things that you would normally have for these celebrations.

Most importantly ask for help and know that during this time it’s essential to not travel on this journey alone.  Asking for support also helps others to feel they are making a difference.  We are all in this together.

We can manage grief, but it’s a sneaky thing.  It comes when you’re not expecting it and you may not have any idea that it was going to show up.  Even positive changes can bring about a little grief that surprises us.  Grief has its own identity which means it looks different for everyone.  No one grieves the same or for the same reasons.  This is why no one can tell you how to grieve or when it should be over.  Experts, like me can give suggestions and tools to manage it but this is a personal journey and it is just yours.

I have helped so many people find the tools they need to manage and cope with their losses.  The losses experienced could be a divorce, job loss, children moving out, an illness, aging and of course the loss of a loved one.  I’m sure I haven’t seen it all and there have been times with clients that I have wondered “how is this individual still living through their life journey”.  Their courage has inspired me and at the same time made me realize how blessed I am.   There is always someone out there with a much more difficult story than our own.

This isn’t to minimalize anyone’s circumstances, but when we hear someone else’s experiences it can make us grateful for our own story.  It may show us that we can heal perhaps because our own story is manageable.

Sometimes grief has a deeper meaning because we are not just grieving the current situation, we are also grieving our past or something from our past. Sometimes, our grief wasn’t healed or managed, so when we are at a point that grief seems to be unmanageable, it can often be because of the previous layers of grief that we didn’t address, and this can even go back to our childhood. 

However, we can heal the past to get to our current situation for healing.  It may take some time and some inner strength, but it is possible.  You are not a pioneer in this situation and there are hundreds of ways to get to the root of the pain and to understand tools to heal and feel that life is manageable.  

Grief can make you feel that ache in your bones and you may feel that this will never get better or go away.  It can eventually come to a place where it becomes an experience to learn from instead of feeling that the grief is controlling every aspect of your life.  

I have found that there are a few steps to understanding grief.
  • Guilt is the number one catalyst for intense grief.  Guilt holds tight and it seems to control our emotions.  It can prevent you from beginning the healing process.  Holding on to guilt will make the process take so much longer.  I have had clients that have held on to guilt for 10, 20, 30 years or more.  It can also make you believe you should not be happy.   Guilt is ingrained in most of us and like myself were taught that guilt had value.  We are taught that if you have sinned, then healing is out of the question. 
  • Finding a way to forgive yourself and others will be one of the biggest steps to begin moving the grief.   Over the years this has probably been the number one reason that grief is still holding on strong.
  • Understand that you cannot always control the outcome can you control the choices someone else makes.  In my book “Grieving to Believing” I discuss how we do not have the power to control the outcome of someone else’s choices and journey.  We are taught to take care of others to give to others and to ignore our own needs.  Thinking of ourselves first is considered “selfish”. Well, if you want to believe that, you are limiting your potential.  We all have a responsibility for ourselves.  
  • Healing from grief can be a lesson in boundaries.  Sometimes others just don’t want your help, or they want to do it themselves.  Respect your loved one’s boundaries and choices.  Think of it in reversed, do you want others to step in and take over your life? Be respectful of boundaries and because you will understand that the guilt you are carrying may not be yours to carry and understanding this will provide you a little wiggle room to begin the healing process.  
  • I don’t think “everything happens for a reason”, I have taught this for many years.  This is a common saying that people say all the time because they don’t know what to say so they fall back on this and it can drive me a little crazy.   We can find a purpose from things that have happened, but I have never felt that there is always a specific “reason” for a loved one to depart.  As an example, my husband died by suicide along with many others in my life.  I have made this a mission to provide knowledge for those experiencing what I have experienced.   I have written a book about his passing and his mental health.  I’ve have also spoken to many groups about suicide and how to heal from the guilt and understand mental health.   I have done thousands of sessions with clients who have lost their loved ones to suicide.  This topic has been pushed under the rug for so long and I made it a purpose to help in the understanding and to help support others when dealing with this suicide.
  • Find a purpose from your losses which can help with grief,  for example, when someone experiences a divorce, I hear often of gratitude for the children that came from the marriage.   Try too look for the positive actions that will help to mend your heart that has been hurt.  A dear friend of ours, Judith Briles lost her son on a bridge in California where it was a non-working road.  But they hadn’t taken it down or protected young kids from socializing on the bridge.  He fell to his death at a very young age and his parents had no idea that this was a hangout for young people.  Judith fought to have the bridge taken down so no one else would perish from a senseless act.  The government didn’t protect these children, so the loss created a purpose to save others. She has a wonderful memoir that I endorsed for her When God Says No that I highly recommend. 
  • We are here to learn and grow and it is not always easy.    Earth is where we are to learn spiritual lessons and sometimes we “awaken” more layers when we experience pain.  We grow and look at life differently and it can put us on a new path.  Many times, we see things from such a different perspective, and I have found that this can push us into discovering more about ourselves and our journey here in our Earth School.   When we can look at all the different perspectives from our situations it can help to manage the challenges we are dealing with.  
Simple ways to support you healing through grief.

This may sound simple but there are common steps in the grieving process. 

-Feelings can come and go without announcing themselves, and grief can be very unexpected and catch us by complete surprise.  

-There are no rules to your grief process. Grieve your way, don’t let someone else tell you what you should do to heal.  That was their experience-not yours.  Of course, take advice it you want to take it but don’t let others dictate what you “should” be doing. 

-There is no timeline, in when or how you grieve.  It’s your grief.  Grief won’t leave you, but it will change over time. 

-Hugs are better than words.

-It’s okay to question life and your belief system.

-Just because you are blessed in life does not mean you can’t grieve.

-If you’re not okay and someone asks if you are okay it’s alright to acknowledge this and to say something like “not today, but I hope tomorrow is better”.  

-Ask others to honor your pain and walk with you, by not telling you how to heal. Know that you are not a victim and you can ask others to respect and have compassion to your healing process.

-Grief doesn’t make sense many times.  Everyone carries grief differently.  It is ok to feel that no one understands what you are going through. 

-I truly believe that humor and joy are the best tools to healing. This can help you connect with your loved one and can help you feel them around you.  Guilt can keep us from allowing these experiences, but I guarantee that humor is the right medicine.  Our loved ones who have crossed over want that for us and they want to show you they are still with you.  Everyday look for something that makes you smile and better yet laugh.  It can be hard but watch comedy, talk about a funny time, remember something humorous about your loved one. 

-Try journaling, plant something, connect with new people or a new group, be with Mother nature, volunteer, do something in your home that feels like an accomplishment, adopt a pet, ride a horse, learn something new.  

See my talk about grief from this past week VIDEO

All my love and support during this time and every day. 


Deb Sheppard

The Significance of Doors-What is behind?

A few years ago, a good friend of mine, Amy helped me decorate a room with a high celling. I’ve always liked my décor to have a sense of uniqueness.  She had been holding on to this very old door for years.  Her family wanted her to get rid of it, but she knew she would find the right home for it. 

Well, she did! In my home! It hangs beautifully in my office and it is one of my most favorite pieces of art. As I sat in my office this week while I was working, I happened to look up and stare at this door. It made me think about the significance of doors and how it pertains to our lives.

I have clients who are struggling with what is next for them.  Many will come see me for guidance or because they have been going through a struggle and they need help with the knowledge of what the future holds and a promise of good things to come.

We normally make changes when our life seems to not be going in the direction we want.  It’s a wake-up call to our soul.  How we decide to change our course is up to us.  Following our heart and leaving the judgement of ourselves and others out of the equation.  However, that is always the dilemma.  We ask others what we should do when actually our soul knows.  Doors open at the right time for the right reasons when we investigate options. 

Recently, my oldest son has been trying to find his path and has tried several options, but it seemed the doors kept closing and he was frustrated thinking he had nothing to offer to change his circumstances.  Then a door opened.  A neighbor had shared with us about an opportunity as an air traffic controller. He had all that he needed to open that door.  It has been seamless in the last two weeks and the opportunity has been almost handed to him.  

Don’t push the doors open that are not the direction for your calling.  Keep knocking on the doors until one open’s without effort.  We can have multiple opportunities or just a few, but the path that’s right for you doesn’t have to be difficult, it just has to be there for you to knock.

If you want something, then certainly make the effort.  When I realized my abilities as a medium it wasn’t the door I was knocking on.  While going through a difficult time, I was told about the practice of Feng Shui.  I was told that by implementing Feng Shui into my life and home would change the energy and therefore help to open doors for me and my family.  I had no understanding of this culture but wanted to try something to make a difference in my situation.  While grasping this new concept, I thought wow I’m going to be a Feng Shui Consultant.  But that is not at all what happened, that wasn’t my destination even though I use it in my practice still today.  It wasn’t the only door for me.  I figured out I could feel the souls of loved ones who had crossed over.  I didn’t even know that mediums existed at the time.  I was in for a surprise and so was my family and friends and since I began this journey I have never looked back.

The point to me sharing this is to suggest that you never assume your destination, open all the doors and see where it leads you.  If you hold onto fear that means you don’t trust the universe and that you are unable to fulfill your calling.  Just do it! You can find the people that support you to go for it.  Allow the nay sayer’s to float on by.

Oh, one more thing about the door.  I just realized after years of this door hanging on my wall, it’s upside down. That tells me and you to look at things from different perspectives to find the key to opening your perfect door. 

Are you a giver? Are you tired of giving so much?

Do you ask yourself these questions?

When will I receive more money?
When will I meet someone that is good to me?

When can I have someone take care of me for a change? 

The law of attraction says that when you are always giving, people and circumstances will be there and meet you to take from you.  Until you learn to receive you may not receive the abundance the Universe wants to give you. 

Clients will schedule a session just because they are exhausted. They can’t seem to find a balance in life.  They give so much and create a situation where they cannot find a partner that is equal in giving.  I call it the “project” versus the “partner”.  Those of us that are the ultimate givers are told that giving is a good thing.  It is a good personality trait to have but some of us of can’t seem to balance giving with receiving. 

I have found that people who constantly give to their families, friends, and co-workers until they are just exhausted will become ill.  This is the only way they can learn to stop giving and start receiving. The Universe makes us stop and ask for help.  It is a difficult way to learn this lesson.   So why not learn it before this happens to you. 

Think about this, when a friend takes you out to lunch do you always want to pick up the tab?  Are you uncomfortable if they insist?  Do you offer to pay the tip, or you tell them you will pick it up next time?  Or better yet, if you know they are picking up the bill do you look at the price of what you want to order and then choose something more reasonable?  When someone is willing to give to you maybe you accept their generosity instead of feeling guilty.  How does giving make you feel.  Good right? Your friends feel good giving to you as well. 

This doesn’t mean you stop giving, it means that you are creating a balance. The Yin and Yang are necessary for true balance. This Chinese symbol has been around for centuries.  It describes that balance is needed everywhere.  Just like our sun and moon, if they were not in constant balance, we would not exist.

In the Yin/Yang which color do you think is feminine and which one masculine?

The Yin is the color black, and the Yang is the opposite color which is white.  People are surprised that the feminine side is black.  This is because we need to receive to procreate, we are born from the darkness, we are the night and the moon.  Masculine has to give to procreate.  They are external, and they represent the sun and they must give to procreate. 

I believe that especially the feminine energy is here to receive.  Many women give so much that men have a difficult time knowing how to give to a woman.  Women want to feel independent and choose not to rely on others.   Independence is awesome, but it can become too unbalanced and we may end up creating a life of only giving.   That’s when we become tired, ill and feeling alone. It will continue until you decide that giving isn’t the only virtue or value that makes up who you are.

I actually believe that when you ask others for help or let them give to you, it makes them feel you value and trust them.   You are bringing them joy. 

Simply put, your life purpose is learning how to change things you’re not good at so that life can be a balance.  You will trust your intuition more, your health can improve, and you can learn to love yourself.  Is it worth it to learn to receive?

One simple suggestion to try out receiving and to recognize your patterns, when someone gives you a compliment about your hair, clothes, or whatever it may be, don’t play it down.  Accept the compliment with gratitude, just say thank you, that’s so kind of you to notice.  You may catch yourself wanting to give some sort of brush off like “I’ve had this outfit forever” or “I got it on sale”.  Notice how this feels to you.  It may feel uncomfortable to just say thank you and accept the compliment. 

Until you realize that is it a good thing to also receive you may not receive that abundance you could from the Universe.  Learning to receive is a life lesson and a Soul Contract.  

Receiving is receiving and don’t throw the gift of it away.  Just doing this you can begin to feel what receiving is like.  Trust me, it feels incredible!

If you want to learn more come join me on November 2ndand 3rdfor 

Soul Contracts-Life Lessons.