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Overcoming Fear of Abandonment

Do you struggle with the fear of abandonment?  It’s one of those things that affect us in so many different ways. I don’t think we realize that if you’ve been abandoned in different parts of your life, it can really determine how you show up and how you take care of yourself.  When you’re abandoned what do you do to respond?  How do you stop that domino effect and change how you feel about it?  How can you get more insight on it? Hopefully, after reading this or listening to my podcast you can take away a new way to look at abandonment, a new way to deal with it. 

When we feel abandoned by family and friends, we question if we are valuable and worthy. We may feel like we don’t have a voice. We may play “small” in our life and not show up authentically. We may tend to give more in relationships because we want others to need us and be attached to us, without realizing that this is not a healthy way to have a relationship.

Do You Find You Shut Everyone Out?

We can go to from one extreme to the other very easily. When you have been abandoned, you realize that you may never want to abandon anybody, so you just hang in there even when it is not a healthy relationship. On the other side, we may abandon everyone else because we want to shut everyone out and may be completely unable to trust. We want to protect ourselves, so we stay in an imaginary cocoon, so we aren’t hurt again. If you find yourself in these circumstances it can be difficult to have partnerships in your life because you are trying protect yourself so much you don’t let anyone in.  

1. Alignment

First-it’s very important to find people that are more aligned with you. When certain relationships leave us, sometimes we need to create space for other relationships to show up that are more aligned.  I think a lot of us feel like we have to prostitute ourselves, by doing things we normally wouldn’t in effort to keep relationships that ultimately don’t serve us out of fear of abandonment.  When we do that, know they are not authentically loving us. They are loving our performance and that ends up working on our psyche our energy and our vibe. Then we wonder why things are not working the way we want them to. 

2. What’s Not Serving You?

Second-release what is not serving you.  You may want to manifest a partnership, or a support system or like-minded people, but we need to ask ourself this question.  Are you holding onto things that no longer really serve?  Consider a current relationship and also think about relationships with those that have crossed over. Are you still holding onto issues?  Are you still holding onto pain from 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago and how is that benefitting you? 

3. Good and Bad

Third-know there is good and bad to abandonment.   Abandonment can benefit us because there are times when is it very appropriate for us to abandon people and things that need not be in our lives any longer.  I know that it’s hard to surrender to that idea.  Realize that when things are toxic, we sometimes focus on a need to fix it, or we want to heal it to make it all okay.  Focus on coming to terms with the person or think and realize they are not here to change for us.  Focus on gaining an understanding that the person or thing is are here to teach you. 

4. Be Authentic to Your Soul

Fourth-Be Authentic to your soul.   Others can’t appreciate you if you can’t be transparent and authentic, do you want those people in your life? The other thing we try to prove to them is that we are acceptable. I think that we don’t need to talk people into liking us. Sometimes we may abandon those individuals or those belief systems to find our alignment in the community that really helps us move forward in our lives. Know that you are not responsible for other’s happiness and well being. 

5. Unconditional Love

Fifth-focus on Unconditional Love.   Many think that unconditional love means loving someone no matter what. That’s not my belief.  I have heard many times that a dog can teach us to learn about unconditional love. I believe that’s 100% true. BUT my definition of unconditional love is “being authentic to your soul and receiving love the only way they can give it”.   What if we change who we are to be loved, but they’re loving who we’re pretending to be versus our authentic self.  If you are being authentic and people judge you, try to accept that may be all they are capable of.  It may be all they can do because that is what they have been taught.  They have different lessons in life and judgement of you may be all they are capable of giving.  

Here are a few things to think about.   Am I ok showing my authentic self and allowing judgement if that is all they are capable of giving me?  Can this circumstance, person or people still be in my life, even if we don’t agree?  Can I objectively look at all people and situations and evaluate if I need to make a change?  Can I trust my intuition regarding all of these things? 

Abandonment doesn’t go away, but you can acknowledge it, have the ability to recognize it and address it to move forward more empowered. 

Remember that the universe has always been there. Our guides have never left us. They never abandon us. We just forgot to remember that they were always there, and we can reconnect with that source again.  Even if you feel moments where you’re alone, remember that the universe and everything in it is still there supporting you and cheering you on. It’s really beautiful when you allow that to be in your life. 

Trust Your Intuition

If you find a balance and learn to trust your intuition,  you can open yourself once again.  By understanding your “true” life purpose and focusing on finding the patterns in your life you can change your energy and your vibration.  Your life purpose is not what you do for a living, it is what you are here to learn for enlightenment.   Abandonment is one of those HUGE lessons for many in this earth school.

Just like many of you, abandonment is a huge lesson for me.  I have experienced abandonment throughout my life by religion, my community and my family. I eventually had to come to terms with it and realize I could not control only recognize and respond, then change my energy around it. 

I share my top 5 “Power Tools” you can use when dealing with feelings of abandonment and much more during my latest podcast episode of Spirited Straight Talk.