change Archives - Deb Sheppard

Are you a giver? Are you tired of giving so much?

Do you ask yourself these questions?

When will I receive more money?
When will I meet someone that is good to me?

When can I have someone take care of me for a change? 

The law of attraction says that when you are always giving, people and circumstances will be there and meet you to take from you.  Until you learn to receive you may not receive the abundance the Universe wants to give you. 

Clients will schedule a session just because they are exhausted. They can’t seem to find a balance in life.  They give so much and create a situation where they cannot find a partner that is equal in giving.  I call it the “project” versus the “partner”.  Those of us that are the ultimate givers are told that giving is a good thing.  It is a good personality trait to have but some of us of can’t seem to balance giving with receiving. 

I have found that people who constantly give to their families, friends, and co-workers until they are just exhausted will become ill.  This is the only way they can learn to stop giving and start receiving. The Universe makes us stop and ask for help.  It is a difficult way to learn this lesson.   So why not learn it before this happens to you. 

Think about this, when a friend takes you out to lunch do you always want to pick up the tab?  Are you uncomfortable if they insist?  Do you offer to pay the tip, or you tell them you will pick it up next time?  Or better yet, if you know they are picking up the bill do you look at the price of what you want to order and then choose something more reasonable?  When someone is willing to give to you maybe you accept their generosity instead of feeling guilty.  How does giving make you feel.  Good right? Your friends feel good giving to you as well. 

This doesn’t mean you stop giving, it means that you are creating a balance. The Yin and Yang are necessary for true balance. This Chinese symbol has been around for centuries.  It describes that balance is needed everywhere.  Just like our sun and moon, if they were not in constant balance, we would not exist.

In the Yin/Yang which color do you think is feminine and which one masculine?

The Yin is the color black, and the Yang is the opposite color which is white.  People are surprised that the feminine side is black.  This is because we need to receive to procreate, we are born from the darkness, we are the night and the moon.  Masculine has to give to procreate.  They are external, and they represent the sun and they must give to procreate. 

I believe that especially the feminine energy is here to receive.  Many women give so much that men have a difficult time knowing how to give to a woman.  Women want to feel independent and choose not to rely on others.   Independence is awesome, but it can become too unbalanced and we may end up creating a life of only giving.   That’s when we become tired, ill and feeling alone. It will continue until you decide that giving isn’t the only virtue or value that makes up who you are.

I actually believe that when you ask others for help or let them give to you, it makes them feel you value and trust them.   You are bringing them joy. 

Simply put, your life purpose is learning how to change things you’re not good at so that life can be a balance.  You will trust your intuition more, your health can improve, and you can learn to love yourself.  Is it worth it to learn to receive?

One simple suggestion to try out receiving and to recognize your patterns, when someone gives you a compliment about your hair, clothes, or whatever it may be, don’t play it down.  Accept the compliment with gratitude, just say thank you, that’s so kind of you to notice.  You may catch yourself wanting to give some sort of brush off like “I’ve had this outfit forever” or “I got it on sale”.  Notice how this feels to you.  It may feel uncomfortable to just say thank you and accept the compliment. 

Until you realize that is it a good thing to also receive you may not receive that abundance you could from the Universe.  Learning to receive is a life lesson and a Soul Contract.  

Receiving is receiving and don’t throw the gift of it away.  Just doing this you can begin to feel what receiving is like.  Trust me, it feels incredible!

If you want to learn more come join me on November 2ndand 3rdfor 

Soul Contracts-Life Lessons.

Namasté

Deb

2019 Predictions. This Year It’s All About You!

2019 is all about you!  Most of us try to take care of others, we give back as much as we can, and this can take away from our own needs and desires.  

Having self-love can help you manifest your goals for the year of 2019.  The new year inspires us to take this time to create intentions of better health, deep love, abundance and even some fun.

But, why are many kept from succeeding?  Could it be distractions, guilt or a feeling that you don’t deserve?  We have been taught and have practiced over the years to sabotage the things we really want to manifest.  

This doesn’t make sense, but it seems to be a constant pattern for many.  Hence, why we keep asking for many of the same things each new year when we create our intentions.

How do you change this?

FIRST: Be aware of your patterns.  Do you have a pattern of always putting others first even when you are tired, extended and really want things to change for yourself? 

My advice, stop!  

This doesn’t mean you can’t help those in your life, but if you have created an unbalanced situation you are not helping anyone and including yourself.

If you have a family member, friend, partner etc., that seems to always have stress, drama and excuses, give them the gift of returning their “stuff” back to them.   It’s not yours to manage.  This may be difficult, but this is the start of how things can begin to change.

SECOND: Do you feel a sense of guilt of around loving yourself and creating a life you desire?  This can change!  This typically comes from our childhood.  We are conditioned by religion, family and community pressures.  Fear of judgment can keep us from living a life with joy and purpose.  

One thing I notice when I see those that have created a “blessed” life is they truly believe they deserve it.   What they have done is created boundaries with those they love, and they have allowed themselves to embrace the blessings they have created. 

Why do this? Well, for many reasons!  You can be of more beneficial to your family and community when you are healthy, energetic, have a life of abundance, love and joy.  Living with intention sets an example for others, allows you to be empowered and embrace the ability to trust your intuition.  Your intuition is challenged when you are driven by guilt and the feeling of not deserving what the Universe can bring you.

THIRD: Momentum seems to falter as times passes.  Distractions in life happen.  Pay special attention to how these distractions affect you.  Is it family?  Guilt?  The feeling of being underserving?  It could be any or all of these things.   This is a normal cycle but unfortunately the more we feel guilt and disappointment, the more likely we are to let it happen again.

How do we change this?  Be open to things looking different than you planned. 

Over the years before I became a medium, I would imagine many things that I believed would make me happy and bring great things to my family.  For example, as I wrote in my book Grieving to Believing- Discovering the Afterlife, I was very tied to how my now late husband would find his new career after being downsized from his prior job. I wanted things to return to what we had.  That never happened!

The Universe had a different plan and one that I never could have imagined.  We were in a terrible place.  All of our resources were drained, we were drained, and it seems nothing else was working.  

Change was necessary, what I did was imagine what I thought happiness was and what happened was so different than the plan I had imagined.  If you want and desire change don’t be attached to your original vision as the only way to be happy.  It may show up differently.  Be aware of opportunities that you didn’t even consider.  For example, I started learning Feng Shui and considered being a consultant.  It was just a stepping stone to open myself up to other ideas and it helped me open my eyes to the fact that what I was trying to manifest wasn’t the path I needed.

What are you willing to do for 2019?  Pay attention to when you feel guilty and determine how it serves you.  Get rid of it!  Pay attention to how family, friends work etc., are draining you from what you desire to accomplish.  Find ways to self-love and realize that is the key to transformation in your life.  And finally, be open to little nuggets that can take you on a different path than you ever imagined.  

Let 2019 become incredible by learning to receive what you haven’t in years past and let life begin with the new.

Expanding the way we think and believe can be a challenge because we have become comfortable with our past experiences, even if those memories are not positive. 

Get out of your box and stop controlling what you want when you know it hasn’t been working.  We believe we want things to change but we can only do that when we incorporate new thoughts and visions of the unexpected to come your way.  

Try another avenue and become adventurous with life.  Start small.  Try a class, go to a meet up group, read a book you would normally not necessarily read, try a new hobby, try food you never eaten or even wear a new color.  

When you experience life with different eyes, you will be surprised how life changes in ways to open doors that you thought were all closed.  What do you have to lose?  May 2019 bring many amazing surprises that raise your happiness.

Why Do We Judge So Much. Can We Change This?

In 1960 The Beatles came to America and this is what critics said.

David Susskind, a popular talk-show host, called them “the most repulsive group of men I’ve ever seen.” Newsweek’s music critic pronounced them “a near disaster.” They were “not merely awful,” sniffed William F. Buckley, but “so unbelievably horrible, so appallingly unmusical…that they qualify as the crowned heads of anti-music.”

Journalist Paul Johnson didn’t reserve his disgust for the four lads but poured it generously over their fans. He wrote, “What a bottomless chasm of vacuity they reveal!  Those who flock round the Beatles…the least fortunate of their generation: the dull, the idle, the failures.

In 1954 this is what critics said about Elvis Presley.

“The guest performer, Elvis Presley, presented such a demonstration which was in execrable taste, bordering on obscenity.  The gyrations of this young man were such an assault to the senses as to repel even the most tolerant observer.”

So, now what do we say about these next generations, the Millennials, the Generation Y and Generation Z?

I think many of the baby boomers both I and II say similar things about them.

My generation baby boomers II, are very proud that we played outside until it got dark, drank from the garden hose, walked to school, ate what was on our plates and were spanked if we didn’t listen.  Today we say that millennials act like they are entitled, they are always on their phones and they don’t believe they have to work as hard as we do. 

I will say that I’m not too proud of my generation.  We created things that are affecting our entire planet and killing sea life and wildlife, for example, plastic. We left behind things that were more earth friendly to make things last longer, to the point it never decomposes.  We didn’t talk about mental illness or child predators, we hid those things in the closet.  Our culture had so much racism and sexism.  Women and minorities were not given the same opportunities as others.  Supporting those that were different; such as same sex marriages, people of opposite racial back grounds who fell in love and more.  These folks endured getting bullied by many including highly “religious” thinkers. Many were abused and even killed because they didn’t fit the mold of what “we” thought was right.

People felt as if they couldn’t be transparent because that may mean they would not get hired for a job, be able to buy a house or even gain the acceptance of the community they lived in.  Are these things we should be proud of and why do we feel we have the right to judge our future generations?

My parent’s generation believed you stayed in a job even if you didn’t like it and you should be thankful you have a job because their parents struggled from the era of the Great Depression.  They told us money doesn’t grow on trees. They made us eat all the food on our plates telling us it is because children elsewhere are starving.  We were told not to talk back, and we didn’t.  Most of us carry guilt due to what they taught us to believe.  We were even taught to stay in terrible relationships because your family would guilt you into believing that you had to live in this situation as you made a promise in front of God.

Do you remember we had maybe three channels on TV and the stations all shut off around 2 AM?  I recall being my parents remote control when remotes weren’t invented yet.

Today, we have a television in every room with hundreds of channels and remotes that you can control by talking into them.  Star Trek really did predict our future and it’s here! We criticize these future generations about what they have and how we grew up.   Could you just have one television and only watch three stations and give up the remote?  Of course not!  Technology is in all of our futures and because of it we have discovered so much more about our world, health and of course have been entertained. 

What do I see with future generations?  They care about our planet and want to save it.  Many are becoming entrepreneurs and making a difference for other people.  Many are downsizing and simplifying, and some are even buying tiny houses to live a minimalistic life.   

They believe in recycling and in foods that are not full of pesticides and chemicals.  They want to stop throwing away things and want to repurpose items.  They are finding a voice to help change how we believe.  How about the example from the students in Parkland, Florida who are standing up for gun control and safer schools?  I never recall being afraid that I would be shot going to school.  Did you?

We talk about cell phones and how they are always looking at them or texting.  Growing up I had one phone in the home and it was a party line, this meant that two other families shared the same phone number.  Now kids have phones while as early as grade school.  But, look at it this way, we can check on our children at any time, they can reach out if they need us. I love that they know what is going on in our world and are up-to-date with our news.  They have even used their phones when there is a school shooting.  Millennials have the ability to research anything and it’s at their fingertips.  They can determine what’s truth and what isn’t for themselves.  WE didn’t have that ability.

The down side, by having access to so much information perhaps they will find things we want to protect them from.  However, with this change in technology especially we as parents need to teach them about boundaries and have conversations with them.  If you feel it’s difficult to have a conversation, then start by not being so judgmental.  Yes, that’s correct.  Think about someone wanting to ask you questions about you, but you also know they are already judging you.  Would you want to share things with them?  Be curious and heartfelt and see things from their point of view instead of limiting your viewpoint to how you grew up or what you think because of that.  Let them be open with you.

Tattoos! If I hear one more person in my generation say they “hate” tattoos or don’t understand them, then just simply ask with an open mind.  Tattoos have been around for thousands of years.  Many cultures tattooed their bodies in an effort to keep their legacy known.  As time passed things changed.   Books came into the picture and of course now with technology we can share and document our stories differently. With that said, things changed, and we are now bombarded with social media, it became impersonal.  Those that have tattoos are expressing their legacy, life experiences and many are remembering those they loved who have died. 

I encourage you to ask the person you meet with a tattoo or many tattoos, their story behind them?  They are normally willing to share, and they realize that you are not judging them for something that is important to their life experiences.  It’s no different when we keep memorabilia and items of those we love.  Many times, we keep things we don’t love, or we feel obligated to keep these things for memories.  Trust me on this, don’t be surprised when the millennials don’t want your stuff after you’re gone.  They want to remember you in a different way and the “stuff” doesn’t resonate with them like it may to you.  Especially, if they are living in a tiny house! 

Food for thought.  Judging is judging.  What people look like, wear, believe, do for a living, where they live, the color of their skin or judging them for who they love is still just “judgment”.   Just like my generation and previous generations judging The Beatles, Elvis and other things that didn’t make sense to them.  I think it’s actually kind of silly that we still do this. 

One of the comments I hear often regarding millennials, if they were in sports they would receive a trophy regardless of it they won or not.  They call it a participation trophy.  My opinion: who cares if we made them feel good about just showing up.  We wanted to make changes since many in our generation were told we weren’t good enough or didn’t try hard enough.  Growing up believing we didn’t deserve things unless we worked hard, we still hold tightly to our guilt and try to please everyone around us instead of figuring out what it truly is that we want.  It’s okay to have self-love and that’s how I feel the millennials operate.  Good for them! They don’t think they feel entitled, at least most of them.  Think of it as self-love.  Don’t you wish you had more of that for you?

Where do you fit?
  • Depression Era: Born 1912-1921
  • World War II: Born 1922-1927
  • Post-War Cohort: Born 1928-1945
  • Boomers I or the Baby Boomers: Born 1946-1954
  • Boomers II or Generation Jones: Born 1955-1965
  • Generation X: Born 1966-1976
  • Generation Y, Echo Boomers or Millenniums: Born 1977-1994
  • Generation Z: Born 1995-2012

Google your generation and figure out what you can learn about yourself and perhaps why you believe the way you do.

Let me know what your thoughts are about these future generations.  Do you have a positive story to share about them?