Month: August 2017

Hello 2017! What You Need To Know.

By any chance was 2016 an unusual year? Did it seem as if everything around you was changing or coming to an end? Perhaps you had a career change, a relationship or two ended, maybe your living situation shifted. Did you find yourself getting rid of things you were no longer using that had just been gathering dust? Or, bigger yet, did you begin to modify the way you believe or felt about things in your life?
It was a big year for losses. Obviously, there were a lot of famous people who died, even some at young ages. I also saw this with many friends, family, and clients. Lets look at our political situation where many felt a sense of loss. If you voted for Trump and felt excited, there was also a sense of change without the actual ability to trust what may be ahead. For many, it felt as if we were going backward in our culture of racism, freedoms, and the rights that many had worked to change.
With all of this in mind, I wanted to share my insights after I meditated on our upcoming year. Three things were shown to me; The butterfly, the Visionary and the number 1. What does all of this mean to you?
If you are unfamiliar with Numerology, it is the culture that uses numbers to describe energy. Every number has a vibration or concept to its science. Numbers are added together to be reduced to the numbers of 1 through 9, except for 11 and 22. A brief description is to add a sequence of numbers together until they become a single digit. As an example of 2016; 2+0+1+6 = 9. For our current year 2017; 2+0+1+7 = 10 then reduced to the number 1. You can do this with your age, birthdate, name and so forth. Every letter is associated with a number, and your name and address can also be described by a single number.
The year 2016 was a number 9, which vibrates to a time of endings. Hence, why you may have felt this last year. Now that it’s 2017, a number 1 it’s identified as a spiritual meaning of creation, the primal force from which everything begins. We get to start over, sort of speak.
Here are a few definitions of the meaning of the number 1: A doer, a powerful force that produces results and does not allow anything or anyone to limit its potential. Aggressive, in the forefront; directing and leading others; it is upright and walks with pride and purpose. Strong, determined, unwavering and with specific goals in mind. A number 1 pushes obstacles aside or drills right through them.
Well, you get the point. If 2016 was about changes, loss, abandonment, removing barriers and so forth, you were on target to create a new space to rebuild. Think of removing the old that no longer serves you so you can create a new canvas that no longer carries that old energy. Consider it not being a new chapter, but how about an entirely new book?
If you believe in multiple lifetimes or believe that we can have many life experiences to grow and hopefully become somewhat wiser, then perhaps if you think of the last nine years as one of your lifetimes it will help support your new growth for the next nine years. These opportunities present themselves in hopes to provide us spiritual lessons. While it can be difficult to experience losses and sometimes severe changes, as well as not be sure what is ahead, it can also allow us to carve a new path.
From our past, we can take along the tools and knowledge that helped us and apply it to our future. Our experiences whether positive or negative can provide wisdom that we can carry forward.
Two of my favorite movies are “Ground Hog Day,” with actors Bill Murray and Andy MacDowell and a filem which is a little dated called “Defending Your Life,” with Meryl Streep and Al Brooks. Both stories give us a glimpse into how we seem to get comfortable in our situations, but we are truly not happy, and show how we can reflect on our lives and about decisions we have made. However, if given a choice to have a “do over” would you embrace that gift?
We have obligations that we have created and can also feel guilty if we don’t take care of everyone else’s needs, even if they have continued to make choices that don’t support a healthy life. We often leave our happiness on the back burner but then feel upset that our needs are forgotten. Spending time, energy perhaps even money to support those around us, and then neglecting ourselves.
These are just a few of my recommendations for your 2017:

• Find your voice and create clear boundaries.
• Give yourself the gift of saying “no” to others and “yes” to you.
• If friends or family are having a difficult time and you typically give advice or try to solve their situation, STOP IT! Be a good listener and don’t try to “fix” what they won’t. Remember it’s different if they “can’t” instead of they won’t.
• Become more visual about your new foundation. You are starting a new nine years of energy. If you were building a home, your foundation which isn’t beautiful will only stay active and support you if this part of the process has thought, heart and vision for your future.
• Grieve the past, but if at all possible try to see it as spiritual lessons, not a loss, failures or mistakes.
• Give yourself credit for what you did gain; insight, courage, taking quicker steps to change are just a few.
  Find new ways of learning, giving, receiving and trusting yourself and what comes your way.
• Every day or as often as you can, throw away old things that no longer serve your soul and gather new thoughts, ideas or friends that help support this new beginning.
• Start a new story about your past and your future. The old stories are just old.
• Start new things that you have wanted to do, but haven’t felt you had the time or whatever your “old” story was.
• Prepare a new recipe, buy yourself flowers, have professional photos taken, travel to somewhere new, even if it’s around the corner, test drive a sports car, buy sexy lingerie, read a book for fun…not self-help.
• Wear bright colors if you normally don’t. Bye to black, gray or dark blue unless it’s sexy and fun.

Well, I think you got the point. Embrace the new and unknown and release what doesn’t feel great.

Next, let’s talk about the butterfly and visionary.

In the Native American culture all animals including “bugs” can be messengers. When the butterfly shows up, it means: Lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously. Get ready for a big change, one where an old habit, a way of thinking, or lifestyle is going out, and a new way of being is emerging. It’s time to make the changes you’ve been considering. In spite of the challenges, you’ll get through this transition, and as always, know that “this too shall pass.” Express yourself by wearing more colorful clothing.

The above description was from Steven D. Farmer, Ph.D., and his book Animal Spirit Guides. He has much more information, and you can check online for more details and the transition of the beautiful butterfly.

If you are unfamiliar with the idea of topic Archetypes, it was first used by the psychologist, Carl Gustav Jung. He used the concept of archetype in his theory of the human psyche. He believed that universal, mythic characters—archetypes—reside within the collective unconscious of people the world over.

I have taught for years that we have an archetype or personality that we use to maneuver through life. Warrior, healer, teacher and so on. For 2017 I think many of us will become the visionary. What describes this archetype?

I will be explaining more on this subject in the near
future.

We can change our world, community or better yet change our personal lives.
Each of us has had dreams that we want to create a better planet for our future generations or those of us that are here today. For 2017 you can design a footprint that can begin your dreams. Having the courage to embrace change, create better futures. Also remember you don’t have to see what it’s going to look like and evolve too, it’s just about starting something with vision and transformation.

What do you see for your 2017?

Suicide Awareness

Throughout the year, we celebrate many occasions. The greeting card industry, and other communities, have created a day, month or week to celebrate or honor the remembrance of life events for example birthdays, anniversaries and holiday’s. We also have specific days throughout the year that we bring awareness for a multitude of other reasons, for example ending Alzheimer’s, Cancer and Suicide. We try to honor our military, teachers, and a variety of communities and cultures as well.

September may include birthdays, anniversaries and of course Labor Day. But, it is also the month that brings suicide awareness to the forefront as World Suicide Prevention Day every Sept 10th annually and September also boasts National Suicide Prevention week. Both are in September which is also considered National Suicide Prevention Month.

Over the last several years I have attended, supported and have raised donations for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Denver Metro Out of Darkness Walk. The last one at Coors Field on 9/24/2016. This walk brings education and healing surrounding the disease of suicide. This past September my friend shared with me that her daughter, who works at Denver Children’s Hospital, attended a meeting that discussed children who were admitted at their hospital for suicidal ideation and attempts. Since January of 2016 to September 2016 4,500 children were patients for suicide attempts and possible death by suicide and this was just in Denver alone. I’m not sure if that is the appropriate language of this fact, but we MUST become educated about this illness.

Research is showing that suicide is a disease – an illness, and the more we hide it, feel ashamed or believe it’s a weakness shows we are only ignorant to understanding the functions of the brain. Having two members of my family die from suicide, as well as helping thousands of families who grieve their losses, show that it’s a complex disease to understand. The anniversary of my husband’s and nephew’s passing is in October and during this time our family has many significant dates that remind us of things we celebrate and things we miss.
Those that mourn the loss can carry significant guilt and lead to the question “WHY did this happen?” Those left behind ask themselves…. could I have done something said something or prevented my loved one from dying? When we learn more about this illness and understand that there is help for those that are depressed and struggling with mental health issues, only then we can begin to prevent suicide.

A large percentage of society won’t seek medical care for depression because of the stigma surrounding this issue. There is shame in our society if one is depressed, seeks therapy, or takes medication it can be viewed as a sin or weakness. If we have asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, pneumonia or anything else, we as a society feel is acceptable to share, we do. We seek medical care, tell our family, share it on social media and try to be aware of what our body needs. But, we do not do this for depression or other mental health conditions!
When Robin Williams died by suicide, as sad as it is when anyone passes, the media stated that it was so upsetting because he had money and was famous so how could this happen to him? I was very offended because it was as if money would have made the difference to his mental health. Seriously, we don’t say this about cancer, heart failure, or any other illness. There is so much prejudice to this disease much like AIDS was judged and likely still is.

Why do we feel that mental illness is any different than any other illnesses? It could be that many who are mentally ill don’t seem to show obvious outward signs. They may be smart, outgoing, seem happy and even satisfied in life. But, so do people with a variety of illnesses.
One of the first steps in helping anyone with a mental illness is to acknowledge it isn’t a weakness or something that should be hidden. I told my kids when their father died from suicide almost eight years ago, that it was because he had cancer of the mind. Not brain cancer, his mind didn’t work as it did years before. He came from a proud family, and he also was a very proud man. Many factors were in place, and he wouldn’t seek medical attention and come to terms with his depression.

If depression was more accepted in society and we supported our mental health care, would my husband, nephew and so many others still be with us today? When we change our beliefs about depression, suicide, and mental illness, and become more educated then we can help those who suffer in silence.

There is a movie based on a true story starring Will Smith and actors Alec Baldwin, Paul Reiser and one of my favorites, Albert Brooks in the 2015 Film Concussion. It is about a forensic pathologist who discovers a football player who has had hundreds of hits to his head because of the force of years playing the game. Dr. Bennett Omalu, comes to the conclusion that for many players have a high risk of death by suicide. The disease is called chronic traumatic encephalopathy or CTE and the NFL and those in that political arena didn’t want to acknowledge a probable factor for the deaths. These men who were once top athletes, amazed and thrilled many of us as well as the financial gain to the NFL and anyone attached to the sport. It finally took many players death by suicide before it was accepted and FINALLY, laws have changed to help and protect these athletes.

We are more accepting when someone decides to stop cancer treatment or not even start because they have chosen not to battle. Why? Because we see, they’re suffering differently than those, who are so sad inside and truly believe they can’t live another day.I have also learned that our loved ones don’t “commit suicide”, rather they “die by suicide”. Just as if someone passes from cancer, a car accident, or a heart attack. It’s not a sin, and they don’t go to a dangerous place. Depression is an illness it’s not a weakness or a choice. Those that struggle every day with depression and other mental health conditions can feel there is no hope and that their pain is insurmountable. Suicide can happen when stressful life events overload the coping abilities of someone suffering from a mental health condition and the most common condition associated with suicide is depression. An illness that goes undiagnosed or treated far too often.

I have never had cancer, but it doesn’t mean I must experience it to have compassion for someone who does. You don’t have to be depressed to have compassion for someone who is depressed or has a mental illness.

My husband and nephew were very intelligent, had a support system, were loved, and had reasons to want to live. But, like any disease, it does not judge who is affected by it. You can begin to change the perception of this illness and start by just realizing it is a disease. Talk about it, don’t judge it, share there is the help, and no one must heal alone.

Be part of the change to prevent suicide. What can you do to help? Start by opening your mind to learn about mental illness. Listen and don’t judge or give unsolicited advice. Giving advice is a natural response when someone shares what is happening in their life. But, if you can find empathy and compassion and just “listen” the one sharing may feel they are being supported instead of being judged they are doing something wrong.

Learn how you can help by becoming educated about depression. Talk to your doctor or reach out to advocates that understand how to support anyone that is dealing with this illness. Don’t push it aside as if it’s just a phase or a moment that someone is vulnerable. If someone is sharing their feelings, most likely they have had these emotions for a while. Try not to overreact or become dramatic, just listen, have compassion and ask how you can help?

Be an advocate, a friend, someone who cares. I know most families who have had a loss from suicide feels they were most of these things. It doesn’t mean they did anything wrong or this will resolve depression or suicide. But, being aware, educating ourselves about mental illness and embracing that it’s a disease is a start.

From the beginning of time, our world has been judgmental. Those who judge are afraid of the unknown and are unwilling to expand their minds if it’s something foreign. Many want to stay in their bubble world so they won’t disrupt their beliefs. Stop living in a comfort zone called a small box. It serves only you and not the world.

Ask yourself, why is suicide so prevalent? Why are we seeing so many military, children and all walks of life dying by suicide? Because it’s time to start changing how we can help those that feel that suicide is their only choice.

Social media, texting, and bullying is just one sliver of the cause for many young people. Carefully listen and read about what you think, write and say. Take responsibility to limit your participation in negative judgmental thoughts and words. A recent visit to a doctor he shared that his 15-year-old was texting a friend about his dad coming to pick him up. They were talking about times and locations and they were taking a long time to finalize the details. The doctor said, “just pick-up the phone and call your friend”. The 15-year-old responded, “Dad we don’t do that. If we talk instead of text it means you are too needy”.

My response was, wow! Seriously? We have come to replace having a conversation through texting. As we know this means of communication doesn’t have the influx or emotion of what we truly want to say. Because texting is shorthand, the true meaning of the words can be misinterpreted. Perhaps, communication is a beginning to change. Taking responsibility for what we “SAY” and how we “RESPOND”.

Technology is a wonderful product for our society, but human emotions, behavior, and feelings can’t be replaced with the old simple function as speech, talking and listening.

A common thing I hear is that most people want to make a difference in someone else’s life. What are you going to do to make a difference? Stop labeling, stop judging, stop and listen.
Encourage HOPE and HELP

Learn the signs at AFSP.ORG/SIGNS

Provide at least 1 resource for HELP such as the National Lifeline 1.800.273.8255 (TALK)

The 24 Hour no judgment experiment contest

I challenge you to a 24-hour experiment. Can you not judge yourself or others for just one day? Wear a thick rubber band on your wrist and over a 24-hour period if you have a thought of judgment, snap it! Your experience includes, how someone is driving, someone checking you out too slowly at a register, how someone answered the phone, what someone is wearing, well you get the point?

If you allow yourself one 24-hour day of no judgment, then write to me about your experience. I will pick two winners who will receive a 1/2 hour phone session.
What do you have to lose? The better question is what do you have to gain? This simple experiment, may not be easy because we judge ourselves more than anyone. What would our world be if we exchanged judgment with acceptance? It doesn’t mean we have to agree, but perhaps to learn about our differences.

Please send you experiment of 24 Hour No Judgment to deb@debsheppard.com, and I look forward to hearing about your ah ha’s about this exercise. Contest ends on the 14th of February 2017!
The following true story isn’t about religion or politics; it’s simply about human compassion. It’s not about agreeing or not agreeing with a point of view; it’s about human behavior and how we think of others.

It’s September 17th, 2016 and I’m attending a writing conference called AuthorU. My friend and talented mentor and writer, Judith Briles is hosting the event. The workshop is in Denver Colorado at the Stapleton Renaissance Hotel.

We arrive after 6 PM, and as we drove up to the valet, we notice people swarming like bees. Focusing, on our surroundings we are aware of the secret service, police, along with police dogs diligently, checking every car, person, and suitcase.

The hotel lobby and throughout the first floor men are lined up and dressed in dark suits, a curled wire attached inside their ear and arms draped along the sides of their bodies. It’s easy to recognize that the secret service is filling every inch of the hotel. Now, I’m wondering, should I feel safe or is it time to run?

Carrying my overstuffed suitcase, I walked up to the counter and in a quiet voice asked the women at the desk, “what’s, going on”? These days it’s not a surprise to have another headline of attack on innocent people.

The clerk at the desk, explains that someone famous is staying at the hotel but she wasn’t allowed to say who. Of course, with social media and news at our fingertips, we were able to learn that Vice President Joe Biden was staying at the hotel. He had a speaking engagement at Denver University that evening.

We were surprised that we were placed in a room down the hall on the 12th floor with Vice President Biden. Those of us who attended the conference shared with humor and delight that we as taxpayers were impressed that our government was budgeting a stay at a reasonably priced hotel.

Many of the authors attending the conference were hoping to get a quick glimpse of the Vice President and perhaps hand him their precious book. While passionate writers displayed, they’re hot off the press books would love to have a feather in their cap if they could say they handed the Vice President their book. Unfortunately, the secret service did their jobs well and protected all of us from getting even a quick peek.

Our room had a balcony where we were able to see the motorcade returning from DU and we were able to see when he left the following morning. It was interesting to watch approximately 25 police officers on their motorcycles, the secret service along with a few media personnel traveling in the escorted vans. There was even an ambulance that followed the line of vehicles to ensure that if anything happened to our Vice President, there was an immediate response to his care.

After we had checked in, security guided us to the 10th floor; this was before we were able to enter our room or even the 12th floor. We carried luggage, purses, and computers through this quick set-up of security. It was as if we were at the airport going through the TSA security inspection. The Secret Service wore their bulletproof vest, carried guns and all types of scanning devices.

After we had cleared security, a hotel employee escorted us to the only one of the four elevators capable of traveling past the 10th floor. We shared the floor with a few regular guest, secret service, the media and of course our Vice President. There were names of those traveling with the Vice President on each of the doors and we noticed down at the end of the hall was where “he” was staying.

The reason I’m sharing this experience isn’t that we had an opportunity to have perhaps a peek at Vice President Biden or his Secret Service. But, it was the next morning after the delivery of our breakfast when I opened the baloney slider doors to enjoy the fall Colorado weather and take in the views. What did I see across the street? Protestors!

As I had a little more coffee and a closer look, I realized that these protestors who were parked right where the motorcade had escorted our Vice President the morning before. Now stood in a total of 15 or more, men, women, and children protesting at a Planned Parenthood facility. They were yelling at and “bullying” these young women who were seeking medical care, as is their right.

This experience frustrated me because we have a country where our service men and women fight and die for ALL of us to have “our” freedom. What does this mean? We as the people voted for what the majority believe is fair and just for this country and its nation’s constitution.
We hosted the Vice President on this same street as these women that have the right to decide if they seek prevention from pregnancy, medical attention, education about their health or may have made the challenging decision not to continue a pregnancy.

A women’s health has nothing to do with agreeing with birth control or a termination of a women’s pregnancy. As a country, we have the right to worship in a temple, synagogue, church, on the beach or hiking a 14er. Our laws give us the rights to marry someone of a different race or the same-sex. We have the right to travel, get divorced, marry multiple times, carry a gun and live where we want!

Bottom line, we live in a country that provides each of us to be free! And it should include freedom from those that are ignorant of honoring differences. Allowing the same freedom as those entering a medical facility for their personal health care. I guess freedom of speech includes being cruel to other humans that don’t have the same beliefs.
My father served in the Marines; my father-in-law retired as a Major General in the Air Force, my brother in law retired as an Air Force Colonel. I have had many friends and family members who have served our country, and I’m very proud that they have dedicated years to protect our nation’s constitution.

Why am I upset? The fact that within 24 hours on the same street, people feel it’s okay to bully others because of their differences. Even in our current situation of our Presidential Candidates debates and political campaigns that demonstrate anger and cruelty to those that oppose their beliefs. How can we as a country change our behavior if this is our example of leadership?

I’m not sure where in the bible that God would have told His followers to bully, those that are different. But, I do recall a story where Jesus told those who were throwing stones at a person they believed was a sinner. If I remember correctly, Jesus told them to throw the first stone if they were without sin.

I’m wondering about those who were yelling and pounding on the cars of these young women, are without sin? If they are followers of God, could there be a better way to give their message? Could they find compassion and empathy for those who have walked another path? Did one of them even ask or even want to know the women’s situation?

Until you have compassion, humility, and time to listen to the person you are judging, then what right do you have to curse another human? Over the years, I have been honored to hear the stories of so many people, and I have learned that judgment is not a virtue I embrace. Judgment causes hate, abandonment, wars and even death.

Love is the highest vibration of energy that our souls can attain. When does judgment, being a bully, or shaming another individual have anything to do with love for our fellow human? Love, thy neighbor does not include “only if they are just like you”.

Another thing I found very interesting is the synchronicity of the name of the hotel where this all played out. “The Renaissance.” There are many layers of the meaning, such as beliefs and changes which history shares began in Florence, Italy that came about during the 14th Century.
Renaissance is defined, like a rebirth, humanism, and diplomacy. Greek Philosopher, Protagoras said about Renaissance; “Man is the meaning of all things.” I encourage you to review this period of the Renaissance and see if we have made any changes when it defines our humanism and diplomacy.

I challenge you to a 24-hour experiment. Can you not judge yourself or others for just one day? Wear a thick rubber band on your wrist and over a 24-hour period if you have a thought of judgment, snap it! Your experience includes, how someone is driving, someone checking you out too slowly at a register, how someone answered the phone, what someone is wearing, well you get the point?

If you allow yourself one 24-hour day of no judgment, then write to me about your experience. I will pick two winners who will receive a gift valued at $50.
What do you have to lose? The better question is what do you have to gain? This simple experiment, may not be easy because we judge ourselves more than anyone. What would our world be if we exchanged judgment with acceptance? It doesn’t mean we have to agree, but perhaps to learn about our differences.

Please send you experiment of 24 Hour No Judgment to deb@debsheppard.com, and I look forward to hearing about your ah ha’s about this exercise.