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Why Being Real is More Important Thank You Think

Jul-05-22

Do you feel you show the real you more often than not? Are you authentic in your relationships, career and even with yourself? Listen in to discover why being real is more crucial than you might think - not only for your own well-being but also for your connection to spirit!

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Transcript

1 (6s):
Welcome to spirited straight talk the podcast to help you thrive with the help of spirit. I'm Deb Sheppard, psychic medium spiritual teacher and author. Each week I bring new insights to help you heal from loss connect with spirit, enter in setbacks and to triumphs. So let's get started.

2 (28s):
Do you want to know what are the favorite things that I love about you? I get to be semi raw. You get to see it all. I think people really want to be authentic. That's the new buzzword, but I think everyone's fearful that they're going to be judged, that they're going to not be accepted. And this buzzword of being authentic. I think people are confused what it really means. I think they think I need other people's approval. I mean, social media right now, your confidence comes by how many likes you have. You must be doing the right thing. What I believe is we don't need other people's approval to live a life that is authentic to us.

2 (1m 13s):
And when we are influenced by work community, religion, social financial situations, we are feeling like we need to fit in and there's not. People are going to think that we're on a weird, well, everyone thinks I'm odd and weird. So

1 (1m 32s):
How many times

2 (1m 32s):
Do we get people saying, I have a weird question for you. And I want to say, well, weird is my middle name, right? Because as part of our life, as part of what we do,

3 (1m 40s):
Can I tell a story? I just, as you were talking, this popped into my head. So, you know, our infamous time, we went out for the first time and met some friends at a place here in Colorado called cherry Creek grill. We all went around the table because you know, when you're hanging out with Deb shepherd, she makes you go deep,

1 (2m 2s):
Always asking those questions. It's been that way.

2 (2m 5s):
So to be nosy, I am just really curious about people. I know I do that all the time. Yeah.

3 (2m 10s):
And this was towards the end of the year. And you asked everyone what they wanted for their next year, what they thought they wanted for the next year. And when you shared your comment was I want to live more authentically and I know what you were referring to now, but you just, you said I want to live authentically. And I think it was in reference to pleasing everyone else, nothing to do with onshore relationship. I don't think it was at the time, but I think it involved into that too. But you know, just knowing your struggles with your parents and your family and, and others, others.

3 (2m 53s):
Yeah. That's as your comment

2 (2m 57s):
When you decide to be you

3 (3m 0s):
Like, you

2 (3m 1s):
Know, and people like to point out our falses, they like to, and usually it's because they're not confident in their own skin. They're not appreciating or embracing who you are. And even though I teach this a lot, it's always a work in progress. There's never a time where you're completely done because you still bring all of this old energy, all this old beliefs, all these things that you remember in your past. And as we always teach your experiences in your past, your story is not your identity. It's a story, but it still creeps in the seed sand. Sometimes when we feel like I'm a little afraid to be courageous, to be transparent.

2 (3m 42s):
And they used to call it coming out of the closet, no, right. I've come all the way out their doors or even in the draperies on my closet. So it's allowing other people to feel safe enough to be who they need to be without us deciding what's right for them. And I think it's a tough thing to be able to let all that go, because we try to have this image of ourselves. We think that that's going to make us happier, or we have more acceptance. And what I find is that when you are not truly authentic to yourself, it does affect your ability to connect to your guides and your loved ones.

2 (4m 22s):
So if you're wanting to develop your intuition, whether it's in business relationships, your health, whatever that can be, if you're not showing up authentically, you're not going to get information. That's really divinely guided for you. And I believe that we're all born with that compass. We're all born with that guided psychic system to help us. But if you're not being you, that guidance is not authentic for you because you're wanting to feel safe versus trying to find a way to be who you are and have the feeling of still being saved. Like how do you respond to people? When do people judge you those types of situations? And of course through my entire life, I've been judged.

2 (5m 3s):
And I kept trying to do the dance of being accepted. And what I realized is that dance is darn hard

3 (5m 10s):
And exhausting,

2 (5m 11s):
Exhausting, and it's not any fun. And I want people in my life that accept me. They don't have to agree with me or liked everything that I am. But being okay with saying you B you do, you I'll do me.

3 (5m 26s):
So what happens just, and I know you have tons of stuff you want to share, but what happens when you have to disconnect from somebody that is showing up in a way that you are not willing to accept? Are you judging them? Or are you just setting a boundary of, I'm not willing to accept that in my life.

2 (5m 49s):
I think anytime that you're feeling stepped on, I think it's She talks about on your throat. I think if there's people in your life that are trying to make you be small or trying to control you or feel guilty, it's not that you are pulling away from them because you're judging them. It's, you're pointing away from them because you're trying to take care of you. And in my opinion, if someone is doing those things to you, they really don't care about you. They just care about what you do for them, or how you, how they're trying to control you. And it has nothing to do with your happiness, your, your true soul.

2 (6m 31s):
And when you go into that deep level of your heart and soul, it's interesting that what comes through is very different than all of these others, things that are talking outside of this, that influences the wondering, what am I supposed to do as my life? How do I create happiness? And this is a constant, like, how do I have joy? How do I, you know, it's all this. How to, well, if you're playing in someone else's zip code or a field, or trying to please somebody else, you're never going to get that intuition. You and I were talking about this earlier today about these Z generation.

3 (7m 9s):
Yeah. Well, there's millennials. There's gen Z. I think I'm a gen Y if I remember

2 (7m 14s):
Right. I don't think I'm even in the gym. Oh, wait a minute. Jen and Tommy.

3 (7m 22s):
Oh, dear.

2 (7m 23s):
What, what this is about people are really, that are in my generation, which I honestly, I'm older than you, where people are judging these young kids.

3 (7m 32s):
And we're talking about the, the 20 somethings right

2 (7m 35s):
Before 30, maybe right in the early thirties. And of course, you know, I like Tik TOK.

3 (7m 40s):
And so our kids would fall in this. A couple of our kids would fall in this.

2 (7m 47s):
Yeah. Fall into it. Daughter-in-law and whoever else is in that arena, but what I'm seeing, that's different. Like I was telling you on the cheek top, they're showing little snippets about telling their bosses. They're not going to work overtime there. If you, as an employer are not hiring the right people, why should I think it's a slack, you and I would have never done that. We would have sucked it up, worked our churches off,

3 (8m 14s):
Which is why we've worked our tail to the bone many times. Yeah.

2 (8m 18s):
We're exhausted. And we

3 (8m 20s):
Make ourselves sick.

2 (8m 21s):
Absolutely. So lot of them are not going to college. They're doing their own types of businesses or entrepreneurs. They're doing tiny houses. They're not getting in debt,

3 (8m 33s):
Their big mortgage.

2 (8m 34s):
They're traveling the world. They're just putting these lemons. I am not going to do this. And in my generation, which I'm

3 (8m 42s):
39, 62,

2 (8m 46s):
The generation above me are all thinking, why are these kids doing this? But I wish we would have had permission or thought about doing that. And that's being authentic. And we don't like it. Even though our, you, as an individual, that's judging these kids. Do you feel like you're being authentic? Are you doing what society's expecting versus does that make you happy? Yeah.

3 (9m 8s):
Well, and it's interesting because as we talk about our kids, we know for sure that that both of our boys are happy doing what they're doing right

2 (9m 19s):
Now. We love

3 (9m 19s):
It there. They love it. One is in the cannabis business and having a great time and get them promoted. And the other is just got his degree in air traffic control. But he, it took him a while to find that path. And he wasn't finding it with everything else. He tried. And finally that clicked. And to watch that evolve, they weren't willing or are not willing to accept less than what they think that they should be doing. And they

2 (9m 47s):
Want to be happy. And they're saying, I'm

3 (9m 49s):
Far more than, you know, they don't want more than what you know, they don't want that big job in some cases. Yeah.

2 (9m 56s):
We're seeing all these signs out there, especially as COVID depends on me, but we need help. And people are saying, I don't want to live the rest of my life doing that. I think it's sad in one level that

3 (10m 7s):
I'm okay. If half the fast food restaurants close, I'm saying that with a grain of salt,

2 (10m 15s):
Right? So it's at the same time, do we need to be more patient? When we were in California, I heard a man say, yeah, they said they didn't have enough service help. So I just said, well, I'm going to go across the street versus saying, wait a minute, they're still trying to make a living. Do we need to have the food immediately there? Can we be more adaptable to our situation and where I'm finding the, these young group they're adapting saying, I don't want to be miserable like that. I want to be my own individual. And a lot of us are having a hard time with that. That I think is Ditas. We're not always living in our authentic place. We feel like we have to live a specific way.

2 (10m 58s):
We have to dress a specific way.

3 (10m 60s):
It's the work hard generation. And I think that that's just, I mean, that's how many of us were brought up? You work hard. Yeah. You don't make any money. You know, you need to work hard where working smart is so much better. I learned that you learn that and our kids do that.

2 (11m 22s):
And it's also learning to love what you do. What I was watching, these Dick talks a level, we're saying, I'm you hired me to work these hours. I don't want to cover other people. And at first you're looking at them going, well, you're kind of selfish, but at the same time, are they saying my private life? My joy, my family, my outside activities are just as important as my income. And we find people that are later in life that just still like they worked and they didn't have any enjoyment. They don't know what their passions are. I'll ask someone, okay, you're retired or you're in a different place in your life. What do you want to do? And they go, I have absolutely no idea.

3 (11m 60s):
They've lost her identity.

2 (12m 1s):
They lost her identity. And so these kids are saying, I still want to travel, or I still want to have a fun day. I want to do things. That was my family. And we were willing to give that up.

3 (12m 13s):
Interesting.

2 (12m 15s):
So when you see these young people that are making choices that are not like yours are in alignment, are you feeling Judgment towards them or feel like maybe it's a sign that you could do. Something like that. You know what isn't that's, as we say, poking the bear. And I think the biggest thing, the more you become authentic, and I want to talk about this. You will sign your community. We try to put ourselves in a community fit in, but we lock away exhausted. So you're trying to find a community that aligns with you, which might now be online. It may not be your, your community, right, where you are.

2 (12m 55s):
And when we were in Monterey just loves

3 (12m 57s):
The church, their center for spiritual awakening. One of our favorite places in the world,

2 (13m 3s):
We love about them on many levels, first Colleen group there, but also how they will come. Everybody at every level, there's no justice,

3 (13m 13s):
All religions. They look at all. Everyone's welcome. And they study all religions from the scientific standpoint,

2 (13m 21s):
Basically, which is what we do.

3 (13m 23s):
Yeah. I mean, they, every religion

2 (13m 26s):
And you walk in there feeling as if you don't have to defend yourself and there's going to be judgment. We are going to judge other people and someone is driving you crazy. You're going to say, You're not going to judge me. And so what it means is that you've learned to assess the situation versus being harder on yourself or feeling other people are judging. You takes way too much energy. And so if you feel like you need to have a community like the one in Pacific Grove, which I just, I just think I would always as well, one of my happy place there, it's just find that community that you can walk in and be who you truly want to be, or trying to learn how to figure out who you are. Does. I think that's also confusion.

2 (14m 8s):
Some people do not know who the authentically are.

3 (14m 11s):
Yeah.

2 (14m 12s):
They performed for such a long time and I'll ask them like, well, what is it that you want to learn? Or what is it you want to do? And they're like, I have no idea. And then it's going backwards. Like, what things did you enjoy as a child? Or what things are you attracted to? Or what do you like you? And I just love history, you know, give me a movie or something, a documentary on history.

3 (14m 35s):
And we're all in.

2 (14m 36s):
Not that I remember the dates or the people, but I enjoy that. So some of the things that we want to do is look at how to move forward in being authentic. So some of these things that may sound like, okay, well, that's common, that's normal. It's just putting, putting those things in place. So taking care of yourself as a priority saying, no, I think a lot of people that are caregivers, things like that, they just want to take care of everybody else that what's important is that you make yourself a priority and do not feel guilty for getting a massage saying no, taking time off, just to read a book. Maybe it's just turning everything off and just being in your own energy.

2 (15m 17s):
I think a lot of us still, all I'm supposed to be doing something. You know, what else is going on? And just holding on to what other people are going to think. If I'm not doing what they think I should be doing, checking our limiting beliefs

3 (15m 31s):
At the door.

2 (15m 34s):
This is what I teach in my program.

3 (15m 36s):
Of course the solution.

2 (15m 37s):
It's not that you have to believe the way I do. But if your belief is keeping you from being happy

3 (15m 44s):
Or living authentically,

2 (15m 46s):
Being aligned with trying to connect with the other side or being aligned and bringing in people and opportunities that really are for you. And I think we hold on to a lot of fear and judgment from our past that we just keep holding onto it's. It's sort of like the item that keeps showing up that you don't want, but you don't want to do with it. The elephant in the room. And really what I see so much of is I have fear if I let this go and replace it with, so what you want to do as well in this trying to quit.

3 (16m 21s):
What's some, what are some of the things that people are afraid of letting go of that you are working with you and your mentoring classes? What are they afraid of letting go of that? Keep them from living authentically

2 (16m 33s):
Being perfect. They feel like they can't move forward to do something. If they're not perfect, or because I attract a lot of healers, they want to take care of everybody until I tell them it's not your job to take care of everybody else or making sure everyone else is okay before you take care of you. I think there's another fear that they will be abandoned by people that they care about. Which is interesting because when the irony of this is you're already, if people don't like you, for who you truly are, you've already been abandoned. If you're pretending to be someone just to fit in, they're really not there for you.

3 (17m 13s):
Yeah. That's very true.

2 (17m 14s):
But we think, oh, they're in my life. We're exchanging things. We're having meals were texting, whatever that truly, if you become who you really are, will they still be there because you're abandoning yourself. And that's the most important thing is don't abandon you on your own personal journey. You didn't want

3 (17m 33s):
No.

2 (17m 35s):
Well, I think we talked about too, about what the younger generation is doing and they're really being authentic. And if you're trying to figure out what that looks like, maybe launch, if you have children and grandchildren, or if you don't watch what they're doing and it's that swing of being too rigid to be completely rigid and finding that happy medium, it's opening ourselves up to something greater than not realizing, but also realizing there are still things in place that we need to be responsible for. We do need to care about the other humans in our planet. We care about our planet.

2 (18m 16s):
We can't just be about ourselves. And I think people think that if they make it about them, they're selfish versus the truly self-love, it's really loving yourself. And the more that you're empowered and the more that you're able to lead and show people, so okay. To be you, other people are going to follow and you're going to attract more people like you.

3 (18m 38s):
Yeah. You start to collect people that are like-minded in your life.

2 (18m 44s):
Yeah. And it's, it's much more enjoyable

3 (18m 47s):
Much.

2 (18m 48s):
Cause sometimes you have to think about, you know what we're saying, what we're doing. So what will happen if you become more authentic, they're like 10 things

3 (18m 56s):
Will happen.

2 (18m 57s):
If you become worse than the authentic and you stop performing and stop looking for approval and stop looking to be someone you're not, there were some things that can happen in your life that I'm hoping people will say, that's where I want to make some changes

3 (19m 14s):
And that's worth it.

2 (19m 16s):
What I hear and what I think that you and I go through is I feel lighter. I wish it was actually pounds versus energy. I'm like, oh, I'm so much more. I think I just lost 20 pounds. So that'd be a great diet. But you also lighter because you don't have that heaviness or responsibility of being someone that you're truly not, or you don't want to be correct. How about less tired? Do you ever feel like you're in a situation with people and you walk away, jelly for life got sucked out of you. And that tiredness is like, you're keeping up performance over and over and over versus showing up and saying, I don't want to take care of everybody right now. I just want to listen. I just want to participate where it can be exhausting when we're just always trying to take care of and for other people, because you think that that's our job.

3 (20m 6s):
Yeah. And for me, we're, we're kind of, I mean, we're very different personalities.

2 (20m 10s):
You and I,

3 (20m 12s):
And you're very

2 (20m 13s):
Organized

3 (20m 16s):
And you're not,

2 (20m 18s):
Let's just start there. Yeah. Tanya.

3 (20m 25s):
And can I authentically say, I wish you were a little more,

2 (20m 29s):
I'll get there,

3 (20m 32s):
But also in a social situation and it depends on, on who I'm with or the crowd or what have you, there are times when,

2 (20m 40s):
What you think your role is.

3 (20m 41s):
Yeah. Yeah. There, there are times when I'm very outgoing and talkative and what have you, but there are times when I'm not. And I just listen, you know? And so, so I can go

2 (20m 56s):
Both

3 (20m 57s):
Ways.

2 (20m 59s):
She also has a look. You don't want to get the look,

3 (21m 5s):
Oh gosh, that's been pointed out to me a lot lately.

2 (21m 11s):
And you know what she's thinking, you know, recycle. But that's true. Just, I have, I'm always that person that wants to know my question. I mean, I want to know about you and it's not,

3 (21m 20s):
You can't get a word in edgewise when Deb shepherd goes rolling around. No, I'm kidding. That's true.

2 (21m 25s):
Because I learned so much, I'm curious about people's lives and how they get

3 (21m 30s):
There and they love sharing with you

2 (21m 32s):
Most of the time they do. I'm sure. Sometimes they're like, get me, you know, get her away from me, but it's also okay. If you're not entertaining everybody. So, so okay. If you know, you're curious. So I think some people feel like they have to perform. I have to be talking well, you can just learn to ask a few questions and people will start talking. It's the greatest thing about being authentic is you start getting support and people don't realize this because sometimes you feel like you're out there on the island by yourself. But if you become authentic, you started tracking people that get you and understand you. And they are there to be supportive. They're not there to beat you up or feel like you have to perform. I will say most people do not feel supported.

2 (22m 13s):
They feel like they're always trying to please somebody. No.

3 (22m 16s):
Yeah. Then you would know that from your sessions because it seems like there's a consistent theme with people who really need help and really need to feel supported. And they're not feeling that

2 (22m 27s):
And they're not asking cause they don't know how. And then the other part of it is they may have to be vulnerable. And that being authentic and being vulnerable are basically aligned. And we don't want to be vulnerable because guess what? People are going to know more about me and they can use it against me. So it's learning to have that community be supported where you can share and it's not used against you. Of course. That's what I do in my programs. Very, I have a lot of guided

3 (22m 55s):
Strict on guidelines. Yeah.

2 (22m 58s):
So that's the other thing is when you become that authentic person and people see that you, you attract people like that. That's when you get support versus attracting people that you keep taking care of, I'm losing my voice. It must be because I need to have my voice.

3 (23m 12s):
Right. Right.

2 (23m 14s):
Life becomes more simple. And the biggest thing I think here is less anxiety. So what happens is that we, there are some people that are having anxiety now. And I feel like a lot of it is because they're feeling like they can't keep up with what society. Yeah.

3 (23m 35s):
Yeah. So many people have anxiety.

2 (23m 38s):
It's like a epidemic. And to me, it's because there's a performance of judgment. That's worried about when you're able to get this stuff more aligned with the beauty of it is you get to hear your guides more. And that's what people really want that are in the spiritual path. They want to hear their guides. So being that vulnerable person signing and attracting that community, not taking care of everybody, all of a sudden, there's a back backpedaling. The anxiety's not there. And you can hear more clearly.

3 (24m 13s):
And we weren't meant to be in the rat race we're in with just the world in the way it is. And so yeah, slowing down and the, you know, being more of yourself, I can see that definitely would create less anxiety.

2 (24m 30s):
I think the pandemic gave us so many different scenarios, but it really helped us to slow down. But especially in America, we're not designed to slow down.

3 (24m 42s):
Our society is not

2 (24m 44s):
Kids that are coming through saying, oh yeah, I'm going to be more balanced. Really. That's what we want. We just don't know how to do it. So it's creating that change less overthinking before you go to maybe a business meeting or social event, whatever that looks like family, we can overthink about what is he going to be like when we show up, how do I talk? How do I sit back? Do I, I know certain people may hope to bear. What am I going to do? Who am I going to sit next to? If you are learning to be more authentic, you walk into saying, I'm going to be me. I'm going to figure out what, what shows up. Of course this takes practice, but you're not having to overthink everything before you walk into a situation.

2 (25m 29s):
So looking at how to be authentic, maybe a little bit overwhelming for someone, how does this look? What we're supposed to do, but it is really the reward. So what we're talking about going wider, this tire's supported also in life is happening around you. You don't take it all on. That's another one of these is that you're realizing it's not your stuff. Not your story, not your experience. So you can pull back and you lie do this will be with people. And there's just so much going on. And we just,

3 (25m 59s):
We know, look at each other. Yeah.

2 (26m 2s):
We're not supportive or anything or say anything, but we don't really take it on. But I think that's the difference when you realize that they all have their side and we have our side and it's saying, this is not the time for me to be engaged. It's my time to, to pull away. So that's what helps too. So the world around you begins to be less drama.

3 (26m 21s):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, we don't, we don't like trauma. We don't take drama.

2 (26m 26s):
This is, I gave him this, these, this was going along. But number nine on here is helping the victim. I think when people are not really being true to themselves and they have all these things happen to them, they show up as a victim. Look what happens to me? Look what happens to me, but is because they want the drama. Is it, is that who they are cynically are, you know, what is that attraction when people have all this drama for themselves. So when you are seeing yourself constantly being the victim, you're constantly telling the story of this is what's happening to me. What is it that you're trying to figure out?

2 (27m 7s):
And why are you putting yourself in the situation where you're always the victim? And those are the stories that we talk about. But when you really look at that authentic person that you're showing yourself to be, you're not the victim because when you perform, trying to get people's approval and you don't get it, you're not getting what you thought you should be getting. There's where you feel like the victim again. So that's the other,

3 (27m 31s):
That's the archetype you chose.

2 (27m 33s):
The biggest thing is that you, it's important to find people in your tribe. And I talk about this all the time is how do you find people that are like-minded that have the same energy vibration? And that's when you truly can just expose yourself, not verily. Of course.

3 (27m 48s):
Well, for some maybe, I don't know,

2 (27m 50s):
But really showing who you are as a human being. And that's where each of us bring our own talents and abilities and gifts to the planet, instead of holding back and performing that the person we're not is be that person who you are. And you and I have been on so many different things where we have learned to figure out that being authentic is easier for us, honest too. And we support each other, even if they don't like, and then there's probably times that you don't like my authenticity, but there is always a work in progress too. You are always figuring out who you are, is always growing. It's always changing. You're pulling away those layers. So what you are today may change and years, or two years or five years than what you were

3 (28m 36s):
A year ago is not who you are

2 (28m 38s):
Today because you keep pulling away those layers bottom line. I want people to know that if you are not being true to yourself and true to your community, you're going to have trouble in so many aspects of your life. And it might be difficult to bridge that in the beginning to really step out, but it will have ease and less anxiety and you will be happier. So that's the real key here is do you want your life to have more peace and happiness? And that's when we show up to be truly who we are. If you're trying to figure out what that looks like to be FNA, listen to all of our podcasts, our spirited straight talk goes to a lot of core things.

2 (29m 22s):
So continue listening because it will help you be okay with the perfect person that you are, the way you were designed, the way you came into this planet and to be that person to shine. So thank you for joining us once again on spirited straight talk,

3 (29m 40s):
Thank you for listening

1 (29m 41s):
To today's episode. I hope it inspired you. If you enjoyed our conversation, make sure you subscribe so that you get notified of new episodes and let's get connected. Visit Deb shepherd.com for more insights, support workshops, and a book, a session with me. And finally, always remember your loved ones in spirit, or just a thought away, even though they're on the other side, they're always by your side.