The 3 Stories We Tell Ourselves - Deb Sheppard

The 3 Stories We Tell Ourselves

May-17-21

Have you struggled with limiting beliefs that stand in the way of your dreams? Have you been on a quest to align your mind, body, and spirit? Listen in as Deb shares the three stories we tell ourselves and talks about how they can keep us from living to the fullest. Ultimately, you'll align your mind, body, and spirit - so you can create the inspired life you really want.

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Transcript

Deb (6s):
Welcome to spirited straight talk the ultimate podcast for anyone who is ready to live a life with intention and help from spirit. I am your host, Deb Sheppard, spiritual teacher, medium and author helping you open up to the whole enchilada or like, we like to say the soul enchilada so you can truly make your soul rise. So let's go! Welcome. Again. This is Deb Sheppard. I'm here with Dana and we're going to talk about the three stories we tell ourselves and what we do in our lives that limit us from moving forward.

Deb (48s):
And I never really thought about the three stories I've always thought about, you know, how do we align? How do we do these things? And when I started really understanding, I realized it's mind, body and spirit. And I believe our spirit is that heart, that passion, that desire that we have, but all of us go into that self-talk. And so the mind goes on one journey. Our body goes on another because we know that our body feels certain things, whether it's fear or joy, those kinds of experiences. And then we have our heart that really says, man, wouldn't life be great if and all that, if is, is if it would happen, but we don't move forward. We don't make the changes that we really desire.

Deb (1m 28s):
And I think it's finding out what and the reason, so people will say to me, I'm just stuck. I'm just blocked. I can't get through this. And I,

Dana (1m 35s):
you hear that daily

Deb (1m 36s):
all the time. Yeah. I just feel blocked. And I'm like, well, you're marinating because you're sitting with it. You haven't made a decision how to move forward. And so I think it's really realizing what are these three journeys that you're on.

Dana (1m 49s):
So separating your journeys into your, your mind and what your mind tells you versus your heart and what your heart feels versus your body and how your body feels in a certain situation,

Deb (2m 7s):
the fight of life, the fight and flight, you know? Yeah.

Dana (2m 9s):
I have that daily that fight or flight

Deb (2m 12s):
or body is saying this and the chemical thing,

Dana (2m 15s):
that the chemical things that happen within your body, the anxiety,

Deb (2m 20s):
you know, I can't do this. What fear? The fear.

Dana (2m 22s):
Okay. So that is fear, mind or body.

Deb (2m 25s):
I think there's a little of both. I think they are connected. It's the heart that we're not connecting at all with or aligning with that heart. So,

Dana (2m 34s):
so it's almost like three separate journeys versus one mind, body, spirit, what you're saying. Okay.

Deb (2m 40s):
And so we can do the positive talk. We can, you know, really put positive things out in the universe can be in gratitude, all those things, but what's still keeping us from that step forward. And so what I want to address is what we do in our self-talk. Even though we think we're not doing it, there's always that little bit there. The other part is in how to make these shifts so that you can find that alignment where you're not feeling stuck or feeling the anxiety or those fears that we haven't in life does bring us a lot of fear. But normally these fears are from past experiences. They're usually not what we're going to experience. So we're already assuming, do I have the parachute to land because I'm really fearful of jumping out on the ledge.

Dana (3m 23s):
Okay.

Deb (3m 24s):
And knowing that you have this parachute to help guide you and bake make you safe and a soft place to land starts aligning for us to do those things. And so I think what people do when I, when I'm working with people is they can't get out of their head of what could go wrong. And at a certain age, in our life, we've had a lot of experiences, whether it's, you know, our career or whether it's relationships or going out on a limb. And we bring those back into our thought process when we're trying to make a decision. So let's say for instance, you're really thinking, boy, I've been alone for a long time. And I just want to find that life partner, someone that believes the same way, whether it's political or religious or as a strong worker, loves their family.

Deb (4m 11s):
I always say you don't want a nurse or a purse. Right? You want someone that can take care of you and you're thinking, yeah. Then you're, I really, you know, I don't want to go on a dating site. I mean, I just, I don't wanna put myself out there like that. There's some crazy people and, you know, can I trust this? They go through that whole self out of the talk versus going, just put yourself out there because you're telling the universe, Hey, I'm interested in. Maybe it'll show up in a more organic way. Maybe it's not on the site, but if you're putting fear out,

Dana (4m 38s):
so you're doing negative self-talk. Yeah. Okay.

Deb (4m 42s):
And then you let me think, well, who'd love me. My ex told me that I was unlovable and that, you know, I've gained a lot of weight and I'm not like I used to be, well, of course we all change in our body types and things like that. And then you may go into the thought of, well, what if I open my heart up again? And they heard it. So that's when we start for our body to give, we can feel ourselves, just kind of closing in and not wanting to go out there again. I know before we met, you were feeling a little bit, well, everyone gets that way when they've had a relationship that is like, Oh, I'm not doing this again. And so we do that. Self-talk to say, Oh, I just don't know if I want to take that risk. So we stay at home, we stop managing, you know, holding hands with somebody and having those, you know, maybe you want to go on vacation.

Deb (5m 27s):
You like to travel. Family's important. And those gatherings are important. And all of a sudden those memories begin to feel that's not possible, even though your heart says it is in your body will feel depressed and sad. And those kinds of things versus going, you know what, let me take a risk. Let me try this. So it's that self-talk and I thought about the other ones. I have a lot of people, especially through this pandemic that really want to work on their own. They want to, they're creative. Their job is limiting, their bored. And they're there because we need to pay bills. We need to have security,

Dana (6m 0s):
Yeah. Yeah. It's not necessarily a passion or something that inspires you. It's just a job.

Deb (6m 7s):
It's a job. Maybe they don't like the culture of the company. Maybe they fell into this job, but it was never their desire or that you went to school for, you know, to be an artist. And there ended up in, you know, in accounting, but we've, we've heard those stories. So it's going back into, we go into our mind, our heart says, or our soul says, boy, I've always had a passion for animals. I would love to design a company that I can help people with their animals. You know, whether it's the food or whether it's training or, you know, people like to dress their dogs anymore. And they think, well, you know, there's so many people out there that are already doing it. I've never been good at, you know, being that disciplined person.

Deb (6m 48s):
My father always told me just to marry someone with money. Cause I wasn't really capable of the limiting beliefs. And so your heart goes, just goes to work everyday thinking, I don't want to be here and we keep going into again, I don't want to be here, but you have this vision of what happens to be being at home and working on your own and maybe be able to hire people to do their passions and helping people feel better about themselves or with their animals that say, or whatever that topic would be. But instead we just go to work because it feels safe. It's safe here. I know what to expect and I'm not happy. So your heart begins to feel heavy again, and that can affect our health.

Deb (7m 30s):
It can affect our happiness. It could affect our relationships and all those things in our life that are basically that domino effect. So once again, our mind, body and soul are not in alignment, even though we have this passion. So how do we create those opportunities to find a relationship, have a good, healthy body, mind and spirit. How do we create a company that we want, any of those things that, you know, we all think about throughout life. And I think it's realizing that you can align these things, but doing that is not just doing the positive affirmations and feeling in gratitude. And what I want people to realize is this is what I do say to myself. I do go there and think, well, why, why should I do this?

Deb (8m 13s):
Why should I put the effort out there? I've done this before and it hasn't worked. So why would this time happened?

Dana (8m 17s):
Right. So when, when we're talking about this, you're it's, you obviously you meet with so many clients and they all, almost all of them say the same thing.

Deb (8m 28s):
They do, it's like a culture.

Dana (8m 31s):
Yeah. So you, so you're making it simple for us to understand with there's three stories we all tell ourselves, it's our story in our mind, our story in our heart and then our story in our body.

Deb (8m 44s):
Correct.

Dana (8m 45s):
So how do we get these three things alligned?

Deb (8m 47s):
Right. And what I loved about this topic is really looking them at them as three different journeys. Because when we see it that way we can problem solve with each one.

Dana (8m 59s):
Okay.

Deb (8m 60s):
So if we just go in with something and we just feel overwhelmed, we're not going okay, is it how I feel? Is that what my mind is saying? Is it something from the past, is this really where I want to be? And so you may put yourself in a situation your heart's going, this does not work for me. Are you listening to your heart or is it a past story? And that's the difference between intuition and fear? I think, you know, we're fear is, you know, we go into, well, that's not going to work for me versus is it something that I know for sure I can't be there. And that's, if you look at all three of those journeys, your intuition will be better and you can cut out a lot of the self-talk and how your body feels, because we all know if your body doesn't feel good, it's hard to get motivated.

Deb (9m 44s):
Right. You know? And so the first thing is looking at your belief system. So what your mind says is there to someone who's protect you and you have a left side and a right side, that right side is that creativity that passion, those desires, and that's aligned with your heart. The left side says, wait a minute, let's stop the I's and cross the T's because we don't want to do what happened last time.

Dana (10m 5s):
Right

Deb (10m 5s):
so if let's say you were in a partnership and you were showing up the way you were, that the way you are and you're being authentic, but this partner kept having these things that they said about you. Like you're not good enough. And who do you think you are? And I'm not going to listen to that. However, they're not aligned either, because they're saying things, but they're not doing what they're saying, but you start to believe them. Right? And so that self-talk is that old belief system that someone told you, but is it your truth?

Dana (10m 32s):
So realizing all of that is coming from your left brain. So number one is

Deb (10m 39s):
check on the left brain,

Dana (10m 40s):
check on the left brain and kind of write down or jot down all those beliefs that somebody else gave you, right? From past experiences,

Deb (10m 50s):
Past experiences are truths, and that's not true. What people do or things that happen aren't always true. There are things that happened and there were experiences, but it doesn't mean every single time you do this, this is going to happen. Prince at someone said, well, I've been married three times. It's never worked. Okay. It doesn't mean it can't work. It doesn't mean all men or all women or whoever or horrible people is why did we attract that person? And I know without a doubt that our intuition and heart many times we'll say this is not right. You know, listen to this. But we don't

Dana (11m 22s):
Every time my intuition and heart told me that, and I still, I looked past it.

Deb (11m 26s):
Right. So your heart that should align your brain said, Oh, that's ridiculous. Everyone else likes them. They think they're a good person. Yeah.

Dana (11m 33s):
Yes. Right. Yes. And you're going, that's true. You're talking to yourself like, well, they're so fun, but that's the mask that they showed everyone else. Right. And your intuition tells you,

Deb (11m 44s):
and then you go, well, it didn't work. No, you didn't listen. Right. So you're not aligned.

Dana (11m 49s):
Right. Because your mind, Makes so much sense.

Deb (11m 51s):
It makes sense. Okay. I was telling this to Dana and She's like, okay, how does this work? And I'm like, well, just follow along. Because our intuition, that desire is designed for us individually. I always call it your GPS guidance, psychic system. It is there for us to be able to listen to our mind and body to figure things out

Dana (12m 12s):
Out and our guides

Deb (12m 12s):
and our guides. Yes. But if we, in the beginning of that relationship said, well, you know, they have all these great qualities, but Oh, you know what,

Dana (12m 21s):
it's the butt, we don't listen too

Deb (12m 23s):
But we don't listen to it. So get out of your head and get out of your butt. Basically. It's really realizing that we were in a situation. We didn't listen. And we self-taught ourselves into something that we knew all along on some deep level. But we, we didn't listen.

Dana (12m 42s):
Now. We're not saying logic is not valid. Valid logic comes from your last.

Deb (12m 49s):
Yeah. But it's also is it fear-based versus logic.

Dana (12m 52s):
You have to distinguish which one it is.

Deb (12m 55s):
We should wear a seatbelt. We know we should be wearing a mask, but that's logic. The other part of it is I think they're a little narcissistic, but you know, they, they seem like such a great person.

Dana (13m 6s):
Everyone else likes them. They were so fun at parties. They tell great jokes.

Deb (13m 13s):
Yeah. They really know how to, you know, open the car door and you know, work hard. So we tell ourselves these other stories to make that gut feeling work,

Dana (13m 23s):
Or to make that person fit, fit into that situation or that job or whatever it is.

Deb (13m 29s):
Correct. So we're talking ourselves into it and you may have, let's say, let's go back to the job. Let's say you took a job because you go, well, it fits the criteria is I'm lucky to get this job. Look at all the benefits. And I get three weeks vacation. All of a sudden we self-talk ourselves into it because that's the logical place there really isn't fear. But our desire is saying, yeah, is that really where you want to spend your time?

Dana (13m 50s):
Right. And then three years later we go, geez. Right.

Deb (13m 54s):
So that's how these all three work and your body is a great resource to understand how you feel. And yeah,

Dana (14m 1s):
It's like when I took the, I have a short story, it's like, when I took the job with the waste company and the entire time they were going to pay me a ton of money and they did, they paid me a ton of money. But I knew from day one walking in, it's not where I want it to be their philosophy. The management, the management, a lot of things did not fit, but I'm like, but I'm going to make lots of money, I'm a prostitute. Yeah. I mean, at the time I didn't think of it that way now I do. But so, and I finally realized is I'm doing things for this job. It was, it was working with age a ways.

Dana (14m 42s):
So it was a great place to be in one sense. But it, wasn't where I have at

Deb (14m 47s):
how did your body feel?

Dana (14m 48s):
Felt horrible.

Deb (14m 50s):
That's the mind, body and spirit. Yeah. Is your telling yourself on one level, I can make a lot of money and take care of my family, but your mind is arguing. Every time you wake up, it's every time. And when you're there, you don't want to be They're in your body

Dana (15m 4s):
Everytime I had to look at a dumpster stuff, hanging out of it. I was like, this is not aligned, aligned. And it wasn't, you know, like it was above me or something. They would just, it was not where I fit. Right.

Deb (15m 18s):
It could fit for somebody else, but it wasn't your complete desire. You weren't Aligned.

Dana (15m 23s):
I wasn't aligned. Right.

Deb (15m 24s):
And so that's where we get that self-talk in our body. Our body will say to you, like, if you meet someone creepy, we were, and I didn't tell this to Dana, but we were in a store yesterday and the sky kept walking down these aisles and looking, and I'm thinking, what, what are you doing? What's the issue here. If you've never been to big lots, if you don't have one, it's a store that sells things really cheap, even cheaper than Walmart, but they inherited Broyhill the manufacturer and they have the best furniture for outdoor space. So we were there getting some more items and this guy walks by and starts really just giving you that weird look, you know, we were by the pillows and I'm just like really weird. Yeah. It was just really strange. And I didn't say anything to Dana and we were walking through the middle and I, him at the aisle looking down when we came, it was like four or five times.

Deb (16m 11s):
And maybe because I'm beautiful. I don't know. Maybe that was the reason, but you just feel like something doesn't feel right. Your body starts to have that little bit of weirdness. Yeah. That's when I paid attention to, when is he leaving? What's you know, that kind of a thing. And so we all feel that stuff, that radar, but then we think, well, that's really stupid and it may have been, but my body was on alert. Yeah. It was saying pay attention to, and what happens these days? I feel we're a lot on social media and I know I am, but I'm not. If I'm out walking around or doing something, I'm not on social media and paying attention and a lot of us or ignoring our surroundings.

Deb (16m 52s):
And so there's no alignment going on, right. There is no mind, body and spirit paying attention. And to me, that's turning off the world a little bit because you're on overload. Right. And so nothing's going to align one of the things I thought of here, which I thought was kind of interesting was the story of the three little pigs and the reason I'm telling this, because I think there's a great, a great metaphor at the end. And we all have heard the story about, you know, the, the first house that's the, the Wolf blew in and made a sticks. Yeah. And then the second one blew in because it was made of mud, dirt. I don't know what it was made out of. Do you remember

Dana (17m 31s):
Straw, straw, straw and its just straw.

Deb (17m 34s):
Yeah. So those were with a third one. So you could think about it. I'm never going to be safe in my home because the Wolf is always going to blow in my house. But the third pig tried something different, built a house of bricks. So again, just because things don't work in the past, doesn't mean there's a possibility of things being successful. So I've got five or six tips here that hopefully people can start using if they haven't to align all that body. So you can manifest the things that you want. So first of all, think about your past, that has created fear, because think

Dana (18m 6s):
About things in your past that have created fear.

Deb (18m 8s):
So whether a relationship, a boss, a neighbor, a teacher, whatever, none of these write, no, write them down because like the experience of working for the trash company, part of that is like, why did you not like it? Because there were bad things. It doesn't mean that the company is bad. It means that you didn't listen to your intuition. Yeah. Your gut. And so whether you've been in a relationship and they said, well, you know, you're not very smart or you're not very, this,

Dana (18m 33s):
These are all relationships. So personal relationship, relationship with a job. It's whatever your situation is, your past situation that created.

Deb (18m 42s):
So I'm like, I'm never going there again. And I do understand there's some times we've had a BA like if you go to a restaurant and go, Oh my God, the food is horrible. You never know, but that's different than having to fear of never going to a restaurant. Right. But you're still going to go to a restaurant. You're just not going to go to that particular one. Is that what you still believe in? Why? Like, are you still holding on to what happened in the past that you still believe is true? Even restaurants can change.

Dana (19m 4s):
So make note of, is this still a belief system or you

Deb (19m 8s):
Does this align with your mind, body and spirit, and if it is great, but if it isn't try to figure out what doesn't work anymore, what that's an old belief system. Can you, can you change your story?

Dana (19m 21s):
So number three is,

Deb (19m 23s):
Can you change your story versus looking at the story you were talking about, it was your, your career, you know, that working for somebody else is not a bad thing. It was just that particular situation that

Dana (19m 36s):
I don't think I wanted to work for someone else. So

Deb (19m 38s):
Either. And that was another aha. Yeah. You know, your other hobbies, you know, I think I want to do something on my own, which you did. So that comes to the place of, I really am not comfortable working for somebody else that has rules that I don't agree with. And I don't like their culture. That might be your aha moment versus well working for somebody else creates security. Well, why can't you create security for yourself? Why isn't that possible?

Dana (20m 0s):
And I think that's really, in a nutshell is, was the culture for me. Yeah.

Deb (20m 5s):
Yeah. So I always believe in working for a company for years, I was taught that. And when I moved here to Colorado, I decided I didn't want to work for corporate America again and less. That, and still was worried. I still have a little bit of that belief system. Well, how can I support myself? How can I have insurance and benefits and those things, and it is possible. You just think that everybody else that created that opportunity in that company, that's the only way it can be done. And it isn't true. It's not true. I make way more money than I didn't.

Dana (20m 36s):
So, so just since your story, change your story, change your story by realizing and writing down what your past was that created these fears. And then do you believe this

Deb (20m 48s):
and change Your story? Like, well, you know what I learned from working for these people that I didn't want to work for a company to change the story. I'm so glad I had that experience because now I know.

Dana (20m 59s):
So look at what you learned.

Deb (21m 0s):
Did you learn? Yeah. What did I learn from that? I realized A, B and C. Wow. That was worth the journey. Okay. I think the biggest thing is taking the baby steps. And one of my favorite movies is what about Bob? About baby steps? Sometimes we think we have to take that full leap all of a sudden. So let's say if you want to date start looking at what that looks like for you, what kind of person and that, when you're, let's say you do date, do a dating site. You don't have to look at it every day. You don't have to date someone from there. You don't have to think that this is the only way, but it's just a baby step to say, I'm putting myself out there and having that self-love and self-talk, that's positive that that's the alignment. It doesn't mean I'm going to find someone here, but guess what? I'm going to, I'm going to start looking.

Deb (21m 41s):
I'm going to open up my door and my heart and my mind changed the story. Again, the baby steps. So four is allow new experiences to happen. And you know, we've got students right now that we're giving them these little baby steps. Like we said, to experience things that may not be their normal. So a lot of us go to the same restaurants or we, you know, we're the same color. We hang out with the same people. We watched the same type of movies. So having new experiences will allow you to know that you're capable of doing something new. Okay. It isn't that safe comfort place that we do.

Dana (22m 18s):
It's changing your energy,

Deb (22m 19s):
changing your energy.

Dana (22m 20s):
So go to a new restaurant orders. They're a different color than you normally would. Yeah. Order something new from a menu. You said,

Deb (22m 28s):
order something new. Right. And you don't have to love it. Or like it just have the experience. When you have those experiences, you look at the feeling of my heart. How does my gut feel your body? What's your mind's telling you

Dana (22m 41s):
And notice these things,

Deb (22m 42s):
notice these things Pay attention. Is there a fear going into it when you're in the experience or you're going, Oh, I'm so glad I never did this before. Or you know what? I'm safe. I'm okay. I might not love this, but at least I have this new experience. So your alignment is beginning to shift to pay attention to things that are not in your wheelhouse. You're trying something new.

Dana (23m 2s):
So choose something you've never done and do it.

Deb (23m 4s):
Yeah.

Dana (23m 5s):
To allow new experiences.

Deb (23m 7s):
You know, I love horses. So I took you horseback riding before we went on a vacation. And because Dana was fearful, I mean, you have a 1500 pound animal underneath you. Dana's like, what do I do? And what happened with that experience?

Dana (23m 20s):
I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. I learned, I,

Deb (23m 22s):
we hired a professional,

Dana (23m 23s):
hired a professional to teach me and I, it was a new experience and I loved it.

Deb (23m 30s):
Yeah. So that changed your energy around riding horses. And now you're like, When can we go riding again? Which is great for me and find your success which is number five.

Dana (23m 41s):
Yeah. Find your success.

Deb (23m 42s):
And that's accept success from the past. What things did you do? You took a risk and it became successful.

Dana (23m 48s):
So remember all those times that it did work out

Deb (23m 52s):
did work because our mind says to us what didn't work. And that's where we up on this one, the alignment doesn't work. And that's a third journey. So if we go, Oh, I've had some great successes. I've had this one friend forever. And you know, everyone loves when I do this and make them this for them. They love this pasta that I make. That's success Haven, the little things, right? You never got a ticket in five years, that's successful with your insurance carrier, finding those little nuggets to know that we can be successful. And I've gotten to my comfort zone a lot. Dana has helped me get out of my comfort zone a lot.

Dana (24m 28s):
I shake it up,

Deb (24m 29s):
shake it up. I remember the first couple of times I did a Facebook live where readings, I was like, okay, I don't know if I can do this or not. So I did have a shot of vodka, tell everyone this. And when I do it to do that anymore, when I first said it, a couple of times I went, Oh, okay, I can do this. It was my baby steps of success. And realizing it was became more my normal, but at the beginning it was scary because there's judgment. I'm live. I don't see. It's not the way I do this.

Dana (24m 56s):
And so, and you're more open now to try new things.

Deb (25m 1s):
She keeps putting them on my list. So I dragged her to the horses. What was, this is all about is if you're not aligned, you will feel like there's blocks. You will feel like you can't do the things that you really desire that you want to accomplish your legacy in this lifetime. So these five steps are a good beginning to be able to say, okay, what am I doing? Mind, body and spirit. And how can I shift this? And this is how it works. This is the recipe for aligning your soul and your body and your mind.

Dana (25m 32s):
Love it.

Deb (25m 33s):
Thanks for joining us once again.

Dana (25m 36s):
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Spirited Straight Talk. If you enjoy the show, make sure you subscribe so that you get notified of new shows. We'd also love it. If you'd leave us a review and let's connect, visit Debsheppard.com for more insights, support workshops, and to book a session with Deb, plus enter to get a free reading with Deb. All you have to do is sign up for the email list and you'll automatically be entered. Just go to Deb shepherd.com. That's Deb S H E P P a R d.com.