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Boundaries-How To Set Healthy Ones-Ways to Prevent People From Walking All Over You

Do you ever feel other people are “walking all over you?” Maybe you have felt resentful towards others because they don’t seem to consider your needs? Does speaking up for yourself make you uncomfortable? Setting boundaries is key to self care and healthy relationships. But, many of us struggle to know when we need to set a boundary and how to do it. Listen in as Deb shares nine essential keys to help you establish healthier boundaries with others.

Deb (6s):
Welcome To spirited straight talk the ultimate podcast for anyone who is ready to live a life with intention and help from spirit. I am your host, Deb Sheppard, spiritual teacher, medium and author helping you open up to the whole enchilada. We like to say the soul enchilada so you can truly make your soul rise. So let’s go! hi, I’m here with Dana.

Dana (40s):
Yeah, Deb Sheppard hi.

Deb (43s):
So it was like a big surprise. You know, what are the topic is today?

Dana (47s):
Well, we’ve had several of these lately. Yes. People crossing our boundaries. So,

Deb (55s):
And it’s always, it’s something that, a topic that I have in all my classes as well, but, you know, as I was going through thinking about what I wanted to share, I even thought about animal the animal kingdom. And I know you love hummingbirds for sure, but all animals have their boundaries or a territory. And of course we have two dogs and two cats and our little Piper, which is five pound Yorkie. She is the,

Dana (1m 21s):
she sets The boundaries for everyone.

Deb (1m 23s):
She Knows when, you know, the cat Bodie is at a bag or it shouldn’t be somewhere. One time I don’t know if you remember that Bodhi was chewing on your computer screen this and she’s in there barking. And we were annoyed.

Dana (1m 36s):
And he’s Cracking on the screen. Yeah. He could go in there and we can put the correct a screen.

Deb (1m 41s):
So she’s or a little Sargent, we call her a Sergeant pepper sometimes or sergent Piper. Yeah. She’s the one that likes to make sure that everyone is doing things right. She even gets upset if things are not in the right place, you know, in life. So,

Dana (1m 55s):
But animals is, if you notice like dogs set their boundaries, even within their own little path. Absolutely. When they will let the other dog know, you’re a little too close to me

Deb (2m 5s):
Or food, especially the food.

Dana (2m 7s):
Yeah. But even like their sitting place, if they’re not snuggled type dogs that they set their boundaries very quickly and easily.

Deb (2m 17s):
And what’s really great is that they have this tendency to know without the speaking. And it just amazes me where they just had this intuitive idea or way of communicating. So I guess if we can all get along. Right,

Dana (2m 34s):
Right. I guess so. Yeah. So they feel safe.

Deb (2m 38s):
And I was, you know, of course what we watched those discovery channels. Sometimes when you see certain animal types, like the penguins are the sea lions or whatever it is, have a sense, the elephants where they’re all going, this is my territory, this is my pack. This is my, you know, haram or whatever it is. And, and they’ll communicate. And they fight that. But humans have tendency to lack the ability to understand boundaries. And one of the stories that I was thinking about, and I’m sure you remember is in, we were on the cruise ship a couple of years before, right before the pandemic, actually to have a must before the pandemic. And Dana had never been on a cruise and I’d been on just a couple, you know, just one or two.

Deb (3m 19s):
And this was one of the largest ships I think, on the ocean at the time. And it was, we had 24, 26 elevator’s and people would pack themselves in. I was a little overwhelmed. I know you were too, because no one had their own personal space.

Dana (3m 34s):
Right. And it felt it Was so good. Like, let’s see if we can fit two more people in this elevator where it has already packed it. Right. And they didn’t care.

Deb (3m 43s):
Yeah. Even, you know, walking anywhere, I felt like people were, you know, pushing their elbows to, to get to where they thought they needed to be the first

Dana (3m 53s):
We have this at the airport or just the other day or a couple of days ago. Yeah. We were coming back from California, visiting your parent’s and we’re getting on the escalator. And I see this guy out of the corner of my eye and I see that he is going to cut you off. And there was like three inches in between you and that escalator a handrail. And I do,

Deb (4m 18s):
I am not the most balanced individuals’.

Dana (4m 20s):
He was going to try to squeeze through and I had to put my hand out and say, wait for her to go. And he said, sorry, sorry, sorry. But I think he wanted to, if he was going to have a barrel through you, you know?

Deb (4m 32s):
Yeah. And, and we’ve Had this to you or no, and at different places where I try to honor people’s space, like I’m not going to be right on top of them, but we’ve been at buffets. You, you know, for a while back, of course, when that was more available at restaurants that are hotels and people would just cut in between you and start, and I’m like, wait a minute. And then, you know, so I know we’ve all had those experiences and I try to be aware of that as much as possible.

Dana (4m 56s):
Then for someone like me who has been through trauma, personal space can be extremely sensitive subjects. Like if somebody is in my space, I start to get uncomfortable feeling like I have to take a step back. I need, I need some room. So I know there’s people out there that have that feeling to is like, you’re too close to me. And now with the pandemic, you mentioned this with the pandemic. Oh yeah. its even more

Deb (5m 28s):
Especially in a while now we’re getting it a little bit more where there’s more comfort with everyone getting vaccinations or things like that. However, before that, when someone was right close and they weren’t on that little dot of 6 feet, I look back and go, Hey, you know, looking at it that

Dana (5m 45s):
I remember a one Where it is. I see it. She was so close to me that I couldn’t get to the, the card reader to put it in. And I had to look at her and say, I need you to move back. Cause she had this look and she looked at me like I was not so nice. I’m like, I cannot reach the card reader I have to pay. And so I made her move Back.

Deb (6m 8s):
And she goes oh, oh yeah. And

Dana (6m 10s):
I know the, the worker at the store, the, the cashier was like, thank you because people were not paying attention to that kind of stuff.

Deb (6m 20s):
Especially During, you know, the time. And there were so much controversy regarding the topic anyway on top of it. But when you’re a, a sensitive person like me, and then you is what you’ve been through, that kind of energy can really affect how we are.

Dana (6m 34s):
So that’s a physical boundary

Deb (6m 35s):
That’s a physical boundary. And sometimes it’s, how do you do, how do you handle it? What do you say? How do you let people know that there are in that space? So we are going to talk about that. But the other big thing is about, especially people that are sensitive or healers and they want to cross someone’s boundaries to take care of them or help them. And you know, that’s one of my big pet peeves. I remember being in these venues where I was a speaker and doing things, then people would then come up to me and try to tell you, give me advice or ask me about a personal situation. That to me, that was not appropriate. They were crossing boundaries. And I had to come up with something to say, and I really not in a place to talk about that.

Deb (7m 18s):
And it was just, I knew that people are curious and they want to be caring, but for me, it wasn’t the place for a time. And I wasn’t in a situation where I felt it was comfortable to share. And you’re also in that place of I’m working, this is my agenda. And don’t take me out of that. And some people, or just nosy, you just want to know that I have the scoop on Deb, No, you don’t.

Dana (7m 44s):
You have what may be. You’ve seen it, but don’t understand it.

Deb (7m 48s):
And the other people I’ve noticed throughout my, my journey in this is they want to show you their ability. So they want to give you advice thinking. And I, I wanted, and I appreciate that, but I’m not in a place where I’m there to hear what someone has to say. And to me,

Dana (8m 4s):
they’re coming to see you. You’re not in a place where you want them to show you their ability.

Deb (8m 11s):
Right. And also if you’re not in a place to hear advice, you’re not programmed right there. You’re not in that. So it’s like someone or cutting you off you, you’re not prepared.

Dana (8m 21s):
And so, yeah, that would be like somebody coming up to you, you used this example all of the time in the grocery store, a hairdresser coming up to You

Deb (8m 27s):
and cutting my hair. Yeah.

Dana (8m 29s):
I know you can’t hate here. Can I just fix This a little bit and trim a little off the end of the

Deb (8m 35s):
better yet, the gynecologist

Dana (8m 43s):
or wherever, you know what you’re looking at? The grocery store,

Deb (8m 45s):
you know, there is a time And a place for everything. And I think when people are very intuitive or they think that they’re helping out, it really does mean that you’re crossing some boundaries and you know how to establish this one. I do my classes because you have all these people that are very sensitive. They’re trying to get through some situations tin their life and they’re all learning and they’re eager to share, they’re eager to tell their story so much to help someone else at the end up taking over the role of the teacher. And they were, they tried to try to do it’s one of my, you know, boundary things where I’m the teacher in, you were a student. And so I really try to set boundaries in all my classes a day to establish that you’re all equal, no matter how much work you’ve done or not done.

Deb (9m 29s):
And not to all of a sudden tell somebody else what they need or should I be doing ’cause that creates problems with a group. Someone is going to feel uncomfortable, but you know, we, we have reasons that there’s boundaries. I mean, thank goodness we drive on certain sides of the road. You know, we have stop signs. We have laws in place for confidentiality. All those things are put in place to keep us safe and to know the rules and everyone can abide by them when it comes to healing and spirituality and people wanting to help out. If people do not put some of those rules into place, they don’t realize that they should stay. What I always say is stay in your lane. You know, this is one of my big sayings I tell my, my students in my clients is, you know, stay in your lane.

Deb (10m 12s):
And we’ll the other day I wanted to talk to somebody. And you told me stay in your own lane,

Dana (10m 19s):
Oh my gosh, I used your words against you.

Deb (10m 24s):
Because if you have a tendency to want to help people, you forget that that’s not your role in their life. And so what I want to do is really help people understand what some things are that you can do when you need to set boundaries, because you don’t have them set up. If someone crosses your boundaries and how to manage that. And what it really means is when you are crossing peoples boundaries without their approval. And we think sometimes we have the highest intention. And I’ve heard that. I’m just trying to help

Dana (10m 57s):
I only mean, well,

Deb (10m 58s):
I mean, well, yeah, yeah.

Dana (10m 60s):
That’s like a qualification of

Deb (11m 3s):
It’s okay. Yeah. And,

Dana (11m 5s):
But really you talk about unwanted advice is a huge boundary, right?

Deb (11m 11s):
One of the things I’ve said to people that have a tendency to always jump into someone else’s space to give advice? I call it spiritual rape. And the reason I say that is because I want to get someone’s attention. If you just feel like it’s okay to go there without permission, it’s no different than any other boundary that someone can do. I mean, we have this big movement with hashtag me too, for a reason because people cross boundaries thinking it’s okay. Giving advice and helping people without their acceptance or with you not even considering where they are in life

Dana (11m 47s):
well, Yeah, because they’re, they might not be ready or willing or ready to hear what you have to say. Right?

Deb (11m 53s):
And this other thing is this, I do believe that we’re all here on a journey. And when you cross someone’s boundary to help them, there’s a couple of things in that one is, is your belief system is that they can’t do what they came to learn. Your believing, that you can help make it easier for them. And is that your right to take away what they came to learn? Because you don’t want them to be in pain or whatever that is. When you are distracted and taking care of someone else’s journey, you’re not doing your stuff. And I always equal it to when you’re in school, if you’re doing someone else’s homework, they will never learn.

Deb (12m 34s):
And if you don’t finish yours, you don’t pass. And it’s much easier for me to do someone else’s work than my own. And I love to ignore my Own shit. Right. But I don’t wanna do it’s on my, my platter.

Dana (12m 46s):
Not you,

Deb (12m 47s):
not me. And I’m a great procrastinator. Let me get distracted, All those kind of things. And so, even though you have the best intention, really understand if you feel like they can’t handle it and you take over, or you’re just basically is saying them to them, that they’re not capable. And I feel like that is a really horrible thing to do. And it, what it makes them possibly feel like,

Dana (13m 10s):
And they keep having to learn the same lesson over and over again. We’ve talked about that. Lots of times in some of your classes, is it just circles back around again? They’re not, they’re not able to learn their lesson. If you keep solving it for them, correct.

Deb (13m 26s):
It’s not your classroom. It’s theirs. There’s one thing to, I believe be supportive of somebody to be there. I call it a holding space and to be present and witness what they need to go through with love and without judgment. But then you have to have an agreement that you both or accepting that situation.

Dana (13m 48s):
So there’s two sides of this, right? And so the first side is people constantly crossing your boundaries. And how do you handle that? Correct. And what can you say and how do you help yourself? How do you be your own advocate? Right. And then there, the other side is if you keep crossing boundaries or you have a tendency to solve things for everyone else, or you even think you might be a crossing boundaries. Cause everybody does cross boundaries. Yeah. You just have to look at where are you doing it? How are you doing it and reign yourself in

Deb (14m 25s):
And yeah, what happens is that when you helped somebody else out or how do you feel That way?

Dana (14m 30s):
It makes me feel great when I know I’ve helped somebody. So

Deb (14m 33s):
Yeah. If you’re feeling good and that person is struggling, but you feel good helping them. So you’re feeling better about yourself. ’cause someone else is struggling. So that tells you a lot about your value.

Dana (14m 43s):
isn’t That more like, yes, I know they’re struggling, but also isn’t that more? I feel better because I feel I was able to solve something or help them with something. Right.

Deb (14m 56s):
And those are the same people that we’ll never ask for help. so it’s that balance of, if you’re not willing to ask for help, but you’re willing to help everybody else. It’s not a created a balance. You’re, you’re helping others and you may think, oh, I’m not helping them for my ego. Yeah. You are because you feel better helping somebody Else out.

Dana (15m 14s):
And then you’re also telling the universe, well, I’ll just help everybody else out and I don’t need anything. So you’re not able to receive. Correct. And that means receive, wealth, support, love

Deb (15m 26s):
The lovers, all the guides. Yeah. The parent from, or your loved ones. And I know people are in their head or going, but there’s nothing wrong with giving and helping people out. That’s true. If it’s wanted,

Dana (15m 38s):
not Only if it’s wanted, but if you’re also able to balance and receive at the same time.

Deb (15m 43s):
Yeah, absolutely. If you cannot ask for help or receive support, then you shouldn’t be giving it in my opinion.

Dana (15m 52s):

Deb (15m 52s):
Yep. So let’s say you’ve never set boundaries. You have a relationship with somebody even at work, someone at home, family member, Fred, and you’ve never really set boundaries. And all of the sudden you’re thinking I can’t do this anymore with this person, you know, they they’re driving me crazy and I don’t want to hurt their feelings and you know, what are they gonna, how are they gonna feel and how do we even start the conversation? And one of the things I think to begin is make it about you and not them. And that way it’s not a personal direction towards them, but that you’re can say to them, you know, I’m feeling really overwhelmed by a lot of people. I’m going to have to make some changes with everyone.

Deb (16m 35s):
And that means that they’re included and part of it. So its not just with him personally that perhaps if its something like let’s say its work-related and the person that is always in your office and they’re constantly interrupting and you’re thinking to yourself, I just need to get my stuff done, but I know they need help or giving them the boundaries that you can say, why don’t we meet on these days at these hours? So I can give you my full attention and I can get my job done the same time. So it’s a, a good agreement. Or, and if they,

Dana (17m 9s):
so Basically if somebody’s is crossing your boundaries, you set the stage that you’re going to have to set the stage. You are going to have to change how things are around you because you’re being affected by multiple things. So you’re not blaming them for something, your setting, the stage that I need to make some changes.

Deb (17m 27s):
you’re taking Accountability, this is a working I’m frustrated, I’m overwhelmed. I’m not clearheaded. I’m, you know, I’m not communicating well, all of those things that come along with not creating boundaries in your life and people can respect that. And if they don’t it’s, to me, it’s a constant reminder to them. Like you remember, we had this arrangement, I want to give you my full attention. And there are some times where people have to interrupt and people have to get your attention. But if the majority of it is set with that, like you said, this stage then it’s or it’s something that you guys can work around or people who can do a workaround.

Dana (18m 2s):
So that is when you, no, you have to set your boundaries. So you have some specific ways that people can start to establish healthy boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

Deb (18m 13s):
And I think the biggest thing is understanding your value. You have the right to create boundaries. And if you’re a person that is a giver and it has wisdom and it was intuitive and it has empathy and compassion, people are going to come to you more often and you carry this a little energy and everyone wants to come and talk to you. And so I always say, you’ve got to create those boundaries. It’s like, even you and I, when we go out to dinner with friends or we’re hanging out with friends, they may have a question or two, but they are very clear that we don’t go into a reading. And my friend’s that respect that we will set up the appointment and they will pay for it because it’s about us having a friendship in a relationship is not about us doing Work.

Dana (18m 58s):
The fact that is that right. A medium in psychic that they can use it anytime we do. Yeah.

Deb (19m 3s):
Letting them know, first of all, again, that we just talked about it, that you’re overwhelmed. You’ve got to have some control in people understand that people can relate to having that. So that’s going to be a no-brainer like you said, sharing what it needs to look like. A setting that stage being from talking to them about what they need and how it will work. And this, this was a family at home. This could be your girlfriends or a guy friends or whatever, or other organizations that you are supporting that feel like they can call you at any time that you really have that guideline in your calendar for them to know that this is the only time you’re available. If it doesn’t work for them, trust me. They’re going to find another people.

Dana (19m 42s):
So you’re saying, let them know when you have time to you have a conversation

Deb (19m 48s):
And it will, how much time that you are available. I mean, we do, if you look at people that volunteer or, or, or, or help a community, as long as you say yes, they will always ask you because you’re an easy fit. And I’ve heard of people being in and you’ve been through this where you’re in a situation where they always know you’re going to get the job done. So they’re going to call on you. And it said say, well, I can’t because if I’ve got a full load already, so it’s okay that someone else can show up. You’re not the only person that can rescue the situation. There’s more than just you, that can step up. Right. But the big thing, like you said, if someone starts telling you about a situation, even if it’s a problem, don’t feel like you have to give advice.

Dana (20m 27s):
So what are you do?

Deb (20m 28s):
I just listen. Well, I hope we can figure that out. So what are your plans? Have you talked to anybody else? Has this happened before? That’s going to take less energy for you. And also if they don’t take your advice, you’re going to be frustrating. So come back with a same problem and they probably have come back with the same issue before.

Dana (20m 47s):
So you Give them advice. You listen. And you ask questions for them to resolve it on their own as they work through it with you.

Deb (20m 56s):
Yeah. Well I’m cheering you on and keep me posted all of a sudden it changes it that you are not going, they’re taking your energy. You’re allowing them to grow. You have to grow and support them. So yeah. So what happens when, and you know, my, my lines for this one, what happens when someone gives you a unsolicited advice?

Dana (21m 14s):
Thanks for sharing that.

Deb (21m 16s):
It’s my one great line. I tell you too. Thanks for sharing that.

Dana (21m 19s):
My favorite is, I’ll keep that in mind. Yes. That’s my favorite.

Deb (21m 22s):
Yeah. So how this aligns when people are crossing your boundaries, telling you what you should be doing, what you need to be doing, and you didn’t ask for advice and it’s very irritating.

Dana (21m 32s):
And so you Can use Deb, thanks for sharing that. Or you can use mine, Is it I’ll keep that in mind.

Deb (21m 39s):
And it Really is. It’s honoring them, but not getting into it. And then not having to explain to them why you don’t want their advice.

Dana (21m 47s):
And, and I think that kind of ends the conversation and they should pick up on that social cue.

Deb (21m 54s):
Most of them don’t

Dana (21m 55s):
and if they don’t, then you say it again. Well, thank you so much for sharing and then change the subject.

Deb (22m 3s):
Yeah. We have Another subject, but it’s also being persistent when they don’t want to change. I think there’s a lot of people that you start setting boundaries with and they don’t want them, you know, they liked the old way. They really enjoyed what you had created for them. The foundation. So realize it was some of those individuals is like working with the two-year-old and we have a two-year-old grandson and that’s a constant persistence have reminding him the rules, the guidelines. So what are you can, and can’t get away with. And eventually that person will understand that you are firm and what you decided. And if you are a person that can be pushed a little bit and nudged and you are a sensitive, you may get, those are

Dana (22m 48s):
they are definitely going to try.

Deb (22m 49s):
They’re going to keep trying. Right. And what you have to do is it’s okay that you hurt their feelings.

Dana (22m 56s):
You have to be okay with it.

Deb (22m 57s):
We have to be okay with that. OK. This is what I think is really important for those people, especially in offices or phone calls that you have 20 minutes, you have 15 minutes and look at your clock.

Dana (23m 9s):
So you say, sure, I have 15 minutes to chat with you. Let’s see let’s chat is just yeah.

Deb (23m 14s):
Or whatever that it is. And when you are getting down to the last five minutes, three minutes, whatever it is, let them know how to go. We have a few more minutes because what they’ll do is that the,

Dana (23m 26s):
they will ask another question,

Deb (23m 27s):
the other question go, you, can we wrap this up? Do we do this? And, and then letting them know that if you, if you had more, if you wanna talk more about this, lets plan again. When we, you know, we can do this for 15, 20 minutes, but making sure that they know there’s a time limit before, and that you remind them during the conversation that you’re about ready to wrap up and they’ll get to the point, hopefully. And if not the learner in the future phone calls are discussions how much time or they have to wrap it up. Because if you give them the time, all of a sudden is 45 minutes for keep taking it from you.

Dana (24m 3s):
especially from you. They will Ask another question just to keep you engaged

Deb (24m 8s):
Dana sometimes will have to come and go, okay, it’s time to do. And Im good, but I’m also being paid for my time. And so that’s different. That’s different. But also I have to say my energy for the next client or what else I have to do. Right. Also putting the situation back on them. I think this is important. When people come in many times, they really don’t want you to solve it. They really wanna talk to you about the problem and go over the details. Again, again, again, they keep telling their story. So what I always tried to do is push it back on them. And instead of giving them the solution, what are you going to do about this? Did this happen before? What happened last time?

Deb (24m 48s):
So putting it back on them versus you having this dialogue back and forth, giving them advice and they keep going into their story. And then they tell you why that wouldn’t work and how it didn’t work for you.

Dana (24m 59s):
It, so this has for someone that goes into their story and circles and circles and circles, and make this excuses as to why you gave them advice. And this is why that didn’t work, or this is why that won’t Work.

Deb (25m 13s):
And if you want to drive Dana crazy! like, we were at a store today and We were checking out and this lady wanted to know if we wanted for their credit cards, if we don’t want their credit card. And I said, no, but thank you very much for offering. And she would not let it go.

Dana (25m 32s):
Yeah. So she is, she said something else to sell you on it. You said, no, thank you very much. I appreciate it. So then she said, well, you really should look at it. And, and so it was three times, at least three, maybe for,

Deb (25m 47s):
but Dana Is like, how did this Happen?

Dana (25m 52s):
And now is like my other pet peeve doing something more than once, or having to redo something more than what it says.

Deb (26m 1s):
Well, the cashier heard. And she was just like, not saying the thing. And we’re taking all of the hangers off the clothes and stuff like that. So she was really appreciative. Cause we were trying to get through this and this manager behind her with boundaries kept going on and on and on. And I’m like, no, we use this card for a free flight. So you can get $10 for Christmas. And I’m like, you can’t sell me on this. I said, no. And I kept shaking my head.

Dana (26m 26s):
And I said, no, three times, yes.

Deb (26m 28s):
That we should have said that.

Dana (26m 31s):
Well, and this is the nicer kinder me leaving.

Deb (26m 36s):
So that’s where it comes.

Dana (26m 37s):
Like animals create such good boundaries. And we as humans, it kinda suck at if

Deb (26m 45s):
we do

Dana (26m 45s):
sa lot of time.

Deb (26m 45s):
Yes. And we want to be kind, we don’t want to have a seat. We don’t want to be a Karen is they call it these days. You definitely want to be kind to let it be kind. And of course, and she’s doing her job, but the social cues and I don’t think some people really recognize them and she’s just trying to do her job. But a third time telling me the same thing in the same store, I’ve been to several times, I don’t want your card. And that’s where you have to sometimes be very, you know, adamant about what you want and not engaged. And Dana knows that I have a terrible tendency to ask another question and it drives, Dana crazy like we were, we could have been done 10 minutes ago.

Deb (27m 26s):
What is your, one of those?

Dana (27m 27s):
It depends. It depends, totally depends on The circumstance because there are many times we’re just having conversations. I love that. But there’s a big time, like when your, when you’re getting your eye glasses fitted and all the sudden 20 minutes later, you’re like, so When you move to Colorado,

Deb (27m 50s):
I’m always curious about people. So, which is fun. And So it’s kind of Dana is diamond. I don’t know if it would probably be the person that’s taken care of that. Well,

Dana (27m 57s):
Actually you are being so interested in everyone. Story is a great thing. So I’m just teasing about that.

Deb (28m 4s):
But yeah, this Is true. I have a tendency though, when I don’t want something that I still ask you a question, which Is why,

Dana (28m 10s):
whoa, you know what I needed to realize that too. You just said that now.

Deb (28m 13s):
Yeah. But I’ll keep going on. I’ll keep adding to it. Like just shut the, or

Dana (28m 19s):
deflecting Asking a question for you.

Deb (28m 24s):
Not because I want them to feel good. Yeah. I have to realize that if they’re not going to get the cell with me, they probably want to move on to the next person, then that should give them that opportunity versus taking up their time of being.

Dana (28m 35s):
So, so when You ask that extra question, its a deflection.

Deb (28m 39s):
Okay, great. So we have to Have humor around it. And I think the biggest thing is, you know, what did you say when someone’s in your space? And I think that can be on the escalator. This can be someone that’s not six feet behind it. If we still have those rules or someone is in your office or coming up to you and telling, giving you advice and you don’t want it. Yeah. It

Dana (28m 59s):
Or too close to a line where they’re breathing down your neck.

Deb (29m 3s):
Yeah. It is to really calmly have your little taglines by saying, you know what, I’m feeling a little uncomfortable or I can’t breathe, you know?

Dana (29m 13s):
And about that humorous like you are you trying to get all up In that?

Deb (29m 21s):
And you know, if you, where is my new, you smell my perfume. Here’s my Best medicine. So absolutely. Maybe even going. So I think I’m going to pass gas. You may want to step back.

Dana (29m 35s):
why not,

Deb (29m 37s):
but again find do you know, you know, you know yourself well enough if someone is in your space, whether it’s in your office or on the phone, whatever that looks like for you is to find some one-liners that you could be in your power and you can have a voice where it doesn’t make anyone else feel horrible about their choices, but letting them know what you need. And as we say, these days is be an advocate for your needs and that you’re not needy. And that was for one of my students Becca. And we’re gonna have those shirts made that call is being an advocate for your needs because you are the only one that responsible for what you create in your life. And you’re not a victim to let people know how you feel and what’s right for you.

Deb (30m 21s):
And what if it works is most people really do care about other people’s needs, right. But if we don’t voice them and we spend talking about it, some people are just unaware. They they’re really clueless. They don’t know when the conversation’s done or its time to go home because we were seeing were, you know, like, okay, it’s time to wrap it up. It’s time to wrap up. So with this said, putting boundaries is really something to value about yourself. This is about you and also respecting other people’s values. You’ll have better relationships with other people when you don’t cross theirs. Have you respectful?

Deb (31m 1s):
This is just to me a really huge topic that I discussed probably in every single class that I teach. So I wanted to thank everyone for joining us and step back six feet, please. Alright, thanks for joining us nameste.

Dana (31m 17s):
Bye everyone. Thank you for joining us for this episode of Spirited. Straight Talk. If you enjoy the show, make sure you subscribe to so that you get notified of new shows. We’d also love it. If you’d leave us a review and lets connect, visit DebSheppard.com for more insights, support workshops and a book, a session with dev plus enter to get a free reading with Deb. All you have to do is sign up for the email list and you’ll automatically be entered. Just go to DebSheppard.com. That’s Deb S H E P P a R d.com.

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