Do you keep attracting the same difficult relationships over and over? Are you tired of letdowns in dating? Listen in as Deb teaches you how to release blocks to unconditional love - so you can manifest a partner who is a true soulmate. Or manifest unconditional love for yourself.Download Now
Welcome. I'm Deb shepherd. I'm your host of spirited straight talk. Thank you for joining me on this amazing spiritual journey that we call life. You're in the right place and you didn't land here by accident. My intention is to help you learn to free yourself, of things that are holding you back and create a life that truly makes your soul happy. I'll be talking about key insights and interesting topics to help you learn how to powerfully co-create with the universe. I will cover everything from turning your setbacks and to triumphs my favorite living your soul's purpose. Of course, I'll be connecting you with spirit, your guides, and the favorite one of course is your loved ones. On the other side, if you're ready to truly stop spinning circles and you're ready to harness the power to co-create an authentic life with spirit that I hope you join me every week for spirited straight talk.
2 (1m 1s):
Hey, this is Deb shepherd. Welcome to spirit of straight talk. I'm here with my lovely partner, Ms. Dana. Oh no. Oh. And guess what next month is, this is January. So what's that next month? What's the big day. The day of love, you know, everyone wants to be loved and accepted. That's how we're designed. And I think it's hard when people are going through life and they feel that they're not successful with having love in their life or a partnership. And I know that I manifested you. You did. I have the letter to prove it.
2 (1m 41s):
Yeah. You know, being love and accepted is the love lottery. I mean, I think if people thought about, do you want money or the best partnership and love relationship ever, you know, where would people go around? What would you choose? And now that I do choose well, now that I have, you had go to the lottery for the lottery. Oh, you mean, second is the lottery. Second is the lottery. But now that I have you, but I know there's so many different things regarding loving and it starts out when you're, you know, you're young. And I was thinking about how adorable puppies are, right. When I asked you to what unconditional love is. They go, oh, a dog. I mean, you know, everyone believes that's a good example.
2 (2m 23s):
They're just puppy. They just trust. They love and give it all. And that's why we call when people are really young puppy love, because there is an innocence we're just going in full out. There's no barriers, there's no fears, there's no filters. It's just, yeah. You just feel it. And to get back to that place after life experiences is almost probably impossible for a lot of people and, you know, relearn through life to start protecting ourselves or we've been hurt and we don't want it to happen again. So we shut and we, we learn to think I'm not going to go out there and do what I've done before, because what it did to me and that were designed to create partnerships in our lives and fear and all those kinds of things limit the possibility.
2 (3m 15s):
So today I really want to get some clarity and some tools, what people can do to open up themselves again on their heart and to be able to find that love and realize their patterns or your patterns. And what's showing up in, and the challenges that comes with dating.
3 (3m 32s):
And you talk a lot about limiting beliefs in how our experiences and our belief systems instill us, instill in us, those limiting beliefs. We start to take that on, like, that's our reality, our belief system, or what we've learned is our reality. Not, you know, we take it right. Yeah, exactly.
2 (3m 60s):
And so if someone keeps saying, it keeps happening to me, or I get these people that way, or, you know, I'm not going to go down this path again. And what I like to teach, like you said, the limiting belief is your patterns are basically your belief system. And it's recognizing, you know what, you're getting yourself into. That's creating these patterns. And if you believe there, isn't a good person out there, or you can't trust anybody. And we're going to give some more things on this. That's, what's going to show up because that's your belief system and you actually target those individuals without knowing it. It's a subconscious thing.
3 (4m 37s):
And you're manifesting that, just having those thoughts and, and having the thought you, you shown many times in your classes, the power of thought, absolutely. Through using a dowsing rod and having somebody think about something that's very, very sad and where their aura goes, compared to somebody who is thinking about something they love and where their aura goes. Two vastly different things with just a thought,
2 (5m 7s):
Same person within just a couple of minutes. That's how quickly your energy, your vibration and thoughts can create your reality. And people think, well, I'm not saying, and I'm just thinking it well, thinking it creates a belief system
3 (5m 20s):
And you have this, what you're sending out there to the universe. Right.
2 (5m 23s):
Right. And it's hard to change at first. So it's being aware of it and what happens. We become so serious. And we have all this fear that we don't look at opportunities because we're just sitting back going, I'm not going to go do this because a, B and C, I hear a lot of people saying all the time, I'm not going to go on a dating site because you don't know who's there. I'm like, well, that's what dating is. You know, if you knew somebody, it would be easier. But since you don't, you're just putting yourself out there. And I believe too, if you're on a dating site, it's about telling the universe you're open to someone. And it also helps you find some clarity in what you're looking for. So you may not meet somebody on there, but you certainly may be able to be more open to thinking there could be someone out there.
2 (6m 8s):
3 (6m 8s):
And that's the thought you're sending out there to the universe, not just being on a dating site, you're sending out there that you're open.
2 (6m 16s):
Right. Gotcha. And I've officiated weddings that have met on dating sites. I've heard of successful marriages because they've met on a dating site. So just because you have a bad experience, doesn't mean it doesn't work. Otherwise those dating sites would not be so successful.
3 (6m 32s):
We didn't meet on a dating site,
2 (6m 35s):
But I had been on him. You hadn't, but I had been on him and that's it. It's it's, to me, it's asking yourself questions. When you start wanting to show up again, to meet someone for a lifetime partner. And part of that is, do you really want another relationship? And people may say they do, but I'm not seeing their actions along with what they're believing. So
3 (6m 56s):
It's not a lot.
2 (6m 58s):
So they're saying you don't really meet somebody, but I don't want to do this. I don't want that. It's all these buts. I don't want someone like this. I don't like, well, why don't you talk about what you do want and why are you not wanting someone like that? And if you've attracted people like those things in the past, what part did you have in it? You know, did you allow those things to happen? Or did your gut say this doesn't feel right, but stayed there because you didn't want to go find another one or change in there. And I think sometimes we think, well, I met some money there, here I can manage what's going on, but then you're complaining about it. So there's so many different layers to meeting a new person. You know, one of the things I tell and most of my clients are women. If you have a best friend and you've been friends for years, just look for someone with the same qualities that have different body parts.
2 (7m 46s):
And it sounds the same body, the same body parts for us. Depends. So really it's about if you can attract people in your life that you really care about and love, you can attract a partner. I think the energy changes when there's intimacy and things like that. And my brother was out a while back and his sister-in-law lost. She's a widow. She lost her husband and she's talking about dating. So Laura was, you know, going back out there and I said, you don't want to, you don't want to be a nurser purse. You want a partner, not a project. And those are the four things I recommend to people because women especially have a tendency to want to fix things, set it all up. They want to be a powerful woman and make the date, make the food, make the tickets, make the reservations versus really, is that what you want in a partnership?
2 (8m 33s):
Or do you see the greatness in somebody? And you know that you can fix them. And that's why I call it a project. If you can't attract somebody that's working on other stuff, not where it's a client or a project. And that's what I found with you. Well, I, maybe I was your project. And I also, you know, one of my pet peeves is when someone's walking across the street on their cell phone drives me crazy. I know she's giving me this. Look, I'm
3 (9m 1s):
Looking at Deb like,
2 (9m 3s):
Well, part of it is, is that we don't pay attention to our surroundings and watching people and our surroundings and being involved can really help you recognize if there is an opportunity and people do not take opportunities to connect. You know, it's all on social media and things like that. And we, and I know with the pandemic and all that, you know, things have changed, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Mean, those are excuses. Find a community, find people of like-minded find a space or a hobby where you can meet people naturally. Then if you don't want to be online and get to know people on a different level. Cause I think people go into it and I've seen this a lot with women and men.
2 (9m 45s):
Well, is this the one forever? You know, the first date am I going to be able to live with this person forever versus getting to know somebody? And I think that is what we take it on. So seriously, if you met somebody as a friend or an acquaintance, you wouldn't go into that place of, is this the one forever you would say, oh, I want to get to know this person. So do the same thing when you're dating or trying to find somebody, I can see your mind going, what are you thinking? No, just listening. What happens a lot of times too, is we attract people that we are comfortable with. And that's where we see patterns.
3 (10m 22s):
When you say that you've been people we're comfortable with, but problems we're comfortable with is what you mean, right.
2 (10m 28s):
Absolutely. A hundred percent. And if you've had a parent that was an alcoholic, or you had someone in your life that you know, is addicted to work or whatever, sometimes
3 (10m 38s):
Your past partners, past
2 (10m 39s):
3 (10m 40s):
You used a lot of people pick the same person over and over.
2 (10m 45s):
Yeah, I've done that. So I just changed teams
3 (10m 51s):
Outside the box.
2 (10m 52s):
And I think that's another thing too, is if someone doesn't really line up with you, are there things of value in that person that can be better for your relationships and what we look for? Exactly the same thing, where sometimes we need a person that can balance us and we can balance them without fixing each other. No one's broken. And I think what people feel sometimes is like, I got hurt so much. I don't think I can open my heart again. And what that to me says is you're still giving energy and power to that ex relationship.
3 (11m 24s):
Isn't it true though? That some people, like, I feel like as an example, I was in that place when I was leaving my last relationship, it was so exhausting. I was like, I don't want, I don't want a relationship. I was completely done with relationships in total, but then I met you and it was more of a revitalizing relationship. So it made me realize that it just, I didn't want to be in that place anymore, but can't you be just so exhausted. You're just like I'm done.
2 (12m 2s):
Absolutely. And I think recognizing that is a good quality. And to also remember, why did you let it go so long? I'm not saying you personally know it's true, but I, to let relationships go on too long because it felt like it was so exhausting. I don't want to hurt them with snacks. What if there's nobody else? What if I can't find another partner? You know, we go into all the fear, the what ifs versus saying, this is exhausting. Why do I want to participate in this? And past recording, we talked about energy currency, how much, you know, E coins that we're putting into that relationship. And when you're that tired, you don't always have the energy to go find another partner.
2 (12m 43s):
So it's really about that healing.
3 (12m 45s):
And I wanted to like go, just sell seashells on the seashore and leave everything else behind. Cause it was that exhausting. Yeah.
2 (12m 54s):
And I think it's finding the time and looking for something new. And I think the biggest thing too is you're not broken. And a lot of people think, you know, well, my heart is broken. I don't know how to heal it. And so you that's, that's where you feel when you're just exhausted and maybe it's not broken. Maybe it's like you said, it's telling you it's too much energy and you gave it your all. And I think also it's learning to find a partnership where you're not giving a hundred percent. And that's what happens when we get the burnout. What do
3 (13m 26s):
You mean not giving a hundred percent?
2 (13m 28s):
Well, you know, you and I, well, I think what I like to share is people like perfection as they think, well, I'm giving a hundred percent to this relationship. Well, if it's not working that a hundred percent is not a value. So if that person can't show up for the other 50%, then it will always be exhausting because you're giving a hundred and there's no room for them to give.
3 (13m 51s):
So it should be 50 50 is what you're saying.
2 (13m 54s):
Let them show up. And if they're not showing up the way you need, then are you the victim? Do you decide to make changes? Do you change the way you see the relationship? Is it worth staying in it, but not doing it as much? You know, maybe you'll maybe you
3 (14m 9s):
Pull back and allow them to show up.
2 (14m 12s):
And we think we're taught to believe if you give a hundred percent than they give a hundred percent in return, well, if that's not happening in your life, then that's a limiting belief. Yeah, it really is. And what I teach my students is if you give always 100% the universe and your guides and everything else, can't show up and give to you because you're just pushing all the energy out. And so, so not receiving, you're not receiving. And I think the biggest thing about partnerships is learning how to receive. And again, like you were talking about the limiting belief, what happened in those previous relationships that your belief thought, well, if I do this, he, or she will show up or I have to
3 (14m 55s):
Take care of everything because I don't trust that they
2 (14m 57s):
Will. That's a great one because people don't trust that they're going to, they're going to not do it my way. Okay. Well, are they getting it done? You know, the point is, is if they're, if they're getting it done and they feel they are, you may be able to give suggestions, but isn't the point that they're showing up. And I hear people saying, well, then I have to do it over. Y I mean, is it okay to, I mean, especially when it's like the dishes or something like that, it's like, it's just the vicious, things like that. So it's, how do you create the balance? And I think it's also reflecting on your childhood, you know, what did you see with your parents? What did you see with grandparents or other people in your life and how they showed up
3 (15m 40s):
And are you choosing to be like that? Or are you choosing the opposite?
2 (15m 44s):
Correct. So there is a, and I'm probably going to pronounce it wrong. When we talk about being broken, there is a process in Japan that's been going around for like over 400 years since Ken
3 (15m 58s):
Sugie, I think is how you say, thank you very much
2 (16m 1s):
Fascinating. It is. And I learned about this from a student a while back and I started researching it and I really felt like it's a good tool to heal your life. And what I have found through my past those experiences are not the definition of me. It is experiences that created who I am today and to learn from it. And what we do is a lot of us talk about these past experiences in our life. And that's how I do unity. We carry that with us. And when you carry all that old stuff with you and put it in the middle of a relationship, both people are showing up with all the, the pain versus the healing. And so this technique is about repairing broken pottery.
2 (16m 43s):
And I love it because,
3 (16m 45s):
Well, it's, it's to show you, you're not broken that it's still
2 (16m 49s):
Beautiful, right? Yeah. So what they do with this pottery is they mended with gold and it make it stronger and more beautiful and more of value for the pottery. We think it's broken. And so when you think of that as a metaphor for healing, your heart, your heart is still useful. It's still wonderful. It still deserves to be loved. It's still deserves to get love. And part of that is saying, I have all these experiences, but look how beautiful my heart is. Like, what I've seen, look, what I've done. Look what I've learned and how I've grown,
3 (17m 22s):
Or maybe it's been broken, but I've repaired it. And
2 (17m 24s):
It's better. Yeah. So when you look at these past experiences, instead of thinking it's a failure, or it's not fixable, or it can't heal that again is your limiting belief. And it's changing to start seeing your life differently by creating a space of love. I mean, is your, is your bedroom set up and ready for a partner? I started my career basically learning fund way. And if your bedroom is with a bunch of old stuff from old relationships, if there's no room in there for a partner, if you're not making space for a relationship, you're basically telling the universe you're not ready, but
3 (18m 6s):
Well, colors play into that. Placing items, play into that. Like, if you have a photo of, let's say you have artwork and it's a one person, one person or one animal or one item that means it's, it's single.
2 (18m 26s):
Yeah. And that's what true. That's why said, ask yourself, do you really want to put the energy and work into a relationship and to show up differently just because your other relationships didn't end up great. It doesn't mean it's not possible. To me. It's like science a little bit. You know, we look at Einstein and all of them Edison that created the light bulb. How many times did they try to, they got it right. And we think that, oh, I've had three relationships and they don't work well.
3 (18m 52s):
So give us three things that somebody could do in their bedroom to create a space of love.
2 (18m 59s):
First thing is if you have any items in there from prior relationships that make you sad, even from a parent or a sibling, get rid of them or move them or put them away for awhile, make the room inviting. So what if you wanted to your partner's room into a date, a person that you're dating and you saw their real, would you go back, go, oh my goodness, let me run. Or would you feel like, oh, I want to be here. And so one thing you don't want in your bedroom is anything of water, because water is about emotions. And so you really don't want that in there. Fresh flowers, beautiful candles. And even if you're a guy, you know, you like those things too. Don't tell me you guy, doesn't like inviting things and beauty and smells and things like that.
2 (19m 45s):
Empty out a drawer and leave space for space for somebody, you know, vision boards and letters and things like that. Vision boards. Sometimes I do believe in, but we use the word want. And so how have you found Dana, if you don't know the story is I wrote a letter to the universe about, I was so happy that you were in my life and all the qualities in what you were doing in our relationship. And the other part of it is I never put a him or her.
3 (20m 16s):
So you wrote it as if I was already in your
2 (20m 19s):
Life. And after we met and started dating, and I remember pulling out the letter and we, we read it not too long ago. And it's basically you do a T, but I acted like it was there. Not that I was wanting it or desiring it. And I didn't also put any buts in there, you know, like, but she can't be doing this and she can't, or he can't be, you know, it was not about it is all positive and celebrating that part of the relationship, not what I had had experienced in the past and didn't want, that's what I think people do is I don't want this. I don't want that. Some of those qualities may still show up in a relationship, but they have so many other things that are a value that we may stop connecting with somebody because of one of those butts that we have in our life.
2 (21m 2s):
And that's where you want to be more. Maybe the word is flexible
3 (21m 7s):
To find that
2 (21m 10s):
You want to also look at the current relationships. So if you have current relationships that are exhausting, is that your pattern? You know, how many relationships do you have that are a give and take that you really feel shows up for you? And that's the energy you're looking for. So everything I teach is about energy. And if you're always in relationships that are taking, you're going to still attract that because it's familiar to you. So again was a functional way, your energy, your thought process, sending it up to receive love. One of the things too, if you're that giver of a hundred percent, I'm going to ask you, is that working for you?
2 (21m 52s):
Because the belief system is, if I give a hundred percent, then they give a hundred percent and if it's not working, then that's a limited belief. So being open to, you know, hearing compliments or someone saying, I want you to meet somebody or be invited somewhere, go, but expose yourself. And I know with COVID and all that people have these ideas of, well, it's different now. Okay. But does that mean you don't deserve to have a partnership? Right. But again, that's a belief. And to me, I like to turn things around and have humor. And to me, if you are online dating, the pandemic really helps that you don't have to waste time, getting all showered up and pretty to go meet them in a place and waste all that time and gas.
2 (22m 37s):
When you could have met him online and go, yeah, that's not going to work. So you're saving time. Use it to your advantage, dating
3 (22m 45s):
Online. I'm sure they have that now.
2 (22m 48s):
You know, and sometimes it's just finding that common interest in somebody. So if you like spiritual ality, or if you'd like hiking or like, what am I doing now? I'm doing DECA posh. Find your community, join
3 (22m 58s):
A community for DECA pause.
2 (23m 1s):
If there is something out there that feels like you would like to have someone to have the same interest, then join that group. And it doesn't have to be forever. It's just getting yourself out there.
3 (23m 10s):
A lot of great tips. So break it down into brass tacks.
2 (23m 15s):
3 (23m 15s):
Would be the top 10 things you would say people could take action right now to do, to help manifest love. Okay.
2 (23m 23s):
First thing is, quit talking about your past relationships. Even when you're dating, people want to know, you know, why are you single? You know, how long can they tell the story? Like I always share like an elevator story, you know, make it brief. Don't let it define or control the entire situation. Get to meet that person on a different level. That story of your past can be in future dates, but right away, just show up and have fun and be like, you really want to be don't God that's elevator talk. Isn't it. Three floors, three, five. Yeah. It didn't work a swine here. And I'm looking forward to a better partnership.
2 (24m 5s):
And obviously that person's there. Cause it didn't work either. So don't tell the drama or watch drama instead, pay attention to what you're attracting. So if the friends in your world, if the people you work with the clients or customers that you're getting are a certain way, try to figure out why you keep attracting that type of personality, because you're basically fishing for the same exact vibration. What you want to do is look for the people in your life that are, we all have that one friend that boy just love aspiration, higher vibration, higher. Find that person. They're not going to tell their drama story. And that's what you based your vision of who you want to attract on.
2 (24m 48s):
Correct. Got it. Just different body parts, right? Or maybe the same now. And now it's the same, but that's not what I was trying to attract, but just pay attention to that because that's, what's gonna show up in your life. And if people are talking about their story over and over now, how do you feel if you're going to start dating, that's how they're going to feel as they hear you talking about all this old stuff. Okay. Don't be a nurse, a purse, find a partner, not a project. That's my go-to for all of it. So if you're a healer or a caregiver or they don't have the money, doesn't mean you always pick up the tab. What it means maybe they make dinner or they find some free concert tickets or something like that, where they're showing up to.
2 (25m 32s):
And even if they're going through a divorce or a bad time, then find things that are not expensive that you both can do together. And if, if they're, if they can't show up that way and you're always trying to fix them, run Forrest run, or start charging them. Cause they're not, they're not for sale because what happens is we want to fix them to make them the partner for ourselves. They're not wanting to be flipped and they're not for sale. There you go. So, so boom, mic drop. Okay. You are not broken. Make yourself strong. Yeah. And it's thinking of those, that pottery that you put golden and you make it stronger and better.
2 (26m 16s):
And I am always impressed when someone goes through a hard time and they show up shiny. They don't let that hold them back. When people are still after 15, 25, 6 years, whatever it is still in that same place, I'm like G show up differently. Don't be a project. And who, what person is going to want to be with you? If that's what you're always going to go. When you look at a, an ended relationship, what are the, not about the negative things about what happened? Cause you you're going to learn from that. But what lessons did you learn? Did you learn to find a voice, put better boundaries down, right? Yeah.
2 (26m 56s):
Yeah. What would you have done differently now? What, you know, you know, what were you going to do in future relationships? So again, look at that as a learning, like you went to school to learn this versus how negative and horrible
3 (27m 11s):
The lessons you learned in the positive, what you learned from that relationship and
2 (27m 15s):
Turn it positive. Right? And then write down what you didn't do differently. Right? Do an elevator speech, right? Your elevator speech, elevator speech. What? Write a letter to the universe of not what you want, but what's already here. And that's what I see was a lot of letters to the universe or vision boards. I know people make vision boards all the time and I'm like, but it's about what you want. It's not imagining it's already here. So that's what you want to share. The big difference there is look for the qualities in people that you love. People that really, you look up to you respect. If that person's in your life, that's the energy you're looking for in a partnership.
2 (27m 57s):
And that person is not a nurse or you're not a nurse or person them. They're not a project. They are a partner. If you can create, even if
3 (28m 3s):
It's a friendship partner, that's what you
2 (28m 5s):
Want. That's what you want. That's your model. Say, if I can attract that with you, I can attract that with someone, with an intimacy, intimate relationship, ask for help. That's a big one. It is a big one. And I find it primarily with, well, men have trouble asking for it. They don't ask for help. They don't ask for directions. Right. I think that's why they made GPS to ask for help. It's right here. Yeah. So I think asking for help and it could be even asking your, your best friend, like, what do you think I'm doing? That's causing me to attract this.
3 (28m 44s):
The big one would be asking for help. So the universe knows that you're open
2 (28m 49s):
Into receiving, which might mean a dating site. And yeah, they're going to be creepy people out there, but there's creepy people everywhere. I mean, look at your own relatives, you know, really site. But you know, I live they're everywhere. They're our neighbors, they're in our churches or synagogues are around. So don't go crazy. So if that's your excuse, that's because you're not willing to just take the time to, you know, flip right or flip . How many relatives do we both have that we were just like, oh yeah, I know.
2 (29m 32s):
I agree. I mean, we can, we believe from the same gene pool and lastly, yeah. Is your story keeping you from receiving? We will tell the story to actually protect ourselves and keeping people from us because we're more proud of the pain than we are that we're now no longer in the relationship that was not serving us. So you really want to look at, is this serving me? Is this story serving me? And one of the things I have students do is record that story that you're telling everybody in your first
3 (30m 6s):
Sub story, yourself, story, yourself story
2 (30m 9s):
Is your project. And then listen to it as many times as you can. You're going to get sick of it. But you're going to realize what you're sending out there and who else wants to hear that?
3 (30m 21s):
Well, I think that's, that's a big thing is if you record your story, you're recording yourself story and listening back to it. You feel that energy. And you're like, oh yuck. You know? So just being authentic and sharing, sharing yourself story with yourself, I think is a big step to change in it
2 (30m 41s):
As if you don't want to hear it. Neither does anybody else, unless it's your therapist set. You're telling your story too. But with that said, it is possible. I don't care what age you are going in with a little bit more innocence. You know, the puppy love it doesn't mean you have to be completely blindsided, but you do have the wisdom and the tools you're not broken. It is the past. You are in a place of experiencing something new, allow it, cultivate the ground, plant the seed and watch it grow. So thank you for joining us on spirited street.
4 (31m 16s):
Thank you so much for listening to the show. Each Monday is a new episode of spirit at straight talk. Make sure you hit follow. So you don't miss any of the guidance or bonus episodes. Your experience at the show means a lot to us and we would love for you to leave a review or let us know about more topics you would like to explore. You can also follow Deb on social media and connect with our firstname.lastname@example.org. That's Deb S H E P P a R d.com. If you want to join dev on one of the shows or have a reading from her on the show, you can submit a request on the podcast page of her website. Thank you again and see you next week.